MISSING

It's a strange feeling to be missing people that you know you're going to see - and probably sooner than you realize.

There are friends from home that I just saw & I'll be beaching with in a month... but I miss them. There are friends from my old job that I'll see this weekend... but I miss them. There's my family, whom I'll see in a little over a month... but it's never enough - I always miss them. There are people who aren't even gone yet and I'm already missing them.

Perhaps I'm realizing the love that surrounds me & remembering to be grateful for all of it. Perhaps I'm just particularly sappy tonight.

RESPONSIBILITY

What is it that makes people able (or not able) to handle responsibility? And really big, serious, important responsibility at that! Is it something that responsible people just naturally have? I believe it can be learned - especially if you're taught from a young age - but there are those who have trouble and cannot handle too much responsibility, no matter what the preparation.

And I suppose the only way you really know what people can handle is by giving them little things to accomplish at first, and then adding a little more, and a little more - and seeing how they react.

I have, what feels to me right now to be, a gigantic responsibility. Not only am I responsible for my own doings, but also for those things that other people are responsible for doing. I hope I am able to live up to my own responsibilities - and am also able to empower those working with me for the greater good to live up to theirs as well.

FAITH & LOVE

I hope that my good friend & fellow blogger doesn't mind that I'm stealing his post and re-posting it on my blog. I give him FULL credit for this beautifully written piece that makes me think and makes me smile.

Click here to read FAITH.

BRIDAL SHOWER

Maid of Honor & The Bride (aka Bridezilla - lovingly nicknamed)

WALDAMEER

The 11th oldest amusement park - Waldameer.

Strange name. Fun day.

CONTENT

There are moments in time when I think to myself, "if I was 10 years old right now and someone with a crystal ball told me that my life was going to look like it does right now"... I would've thought they were crazy.

I have an amazing life. A blessed life. A beautiful family. Better friends than anyone could wish for. An incredible upcoming job. And every so often (and probably more often than I do) I feel an overwhelming sense of complete contentment & utter gratitude.

This is one of those nights. One of those times. And I offer my praise & thanksgivings for it all.

OLD FRIENDS

My hometown is not that small. It's a city of 208,000 people. But each time I am home for a visit, no matter how short or how long, I have the lovely pleasure of running into people I know that I haven't seen a quite a while.

A walk around the neighborhood at dusk last night allowed me to chat with the younger brother of my high school sweetheart and a gal I haven't talked to since those bad-hair-middle-school days. (I know you wish there was a picture of those days here, but I think I've burned them all.)

A stop at Starbucks today while waiting to pick up my sis from work gave me the chance to catch up with the drummer from "famous band" Houseguest.

I'm here for 5 more days... who knows what kind of wonderful people I'll run into this week?

OVERLOAD

The other night, I had two lights on in my living room along with the A/C on high, my computer plugged in and running several websites, and the TV blaring mindless programming my way.

And just as I thought to myself, "Wow. I'm wasting a lot of energy right now..." everything went dark. The lights, the TV, the computer. All of a sudden - as if I willed it accidentally with my questioning - I was in quiet darkness.

It's easy to overload sometimes - without even fully realizing it.
I'm looking forward to spending the next several days unloading instead.

AK-ROWDY

Look out Rubber Capital of the World - I'm comin' home.

BE PATIENT

sometimes i have trouble being patient.

when it's almost time to go home and see my family.
when i can't master a new skill the first time i try it.
when i have a perfect day & i don't want it to end.

but i have a feeling that patience is one of those life lessons i'm in the midst of learning right now. and i am doing my best to embrace that idea of not being able to control the future, and trying to live in the present moment - content & blessed.

[opening night] pix

From the top: Jon, Rach & Dennis; with Jeff; with Heidi; with Susan; with Larry; with Michael; with Hunter; Vineyard Staff

END OF AN ERA

People use the phrase "the end of an era" to describe many things. From sports, to politics, to relationships. I'm using it today to mark the ending of 4 years of employment at an amazing theatre. I have been nothing but fortunate at this place. And the people here are held very close to my heart. I will miss it. And I will come back often.

ON THE B'WAY

[title of show] opens on the broadway tonight.
i honestly cannot remember the last time i was this excited about theatre!
oh, it will be a good time. plenty a'pictures are sure to follow.

PASSIVE

Had an interesting conversation about passive-aggressiveness last night. Some lovely friends and I were at the Zipper Factory celebrating a birthday. And when about an hour had passed since most people left, and they had brought in the chalkboard sign from outside, and they had turned most of the chairs over on their respective tables - we were still sitting there, chatting away.

And then something funny happened.

Music began to play. And loud music. Where there was no music before. And the songs that we heard - in this order - were:

Closing Time
Ease On Down The Road
So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen, Goodbye

And as the Von Trapp family sang us out, we had a good laugh about the inherent passive-aggressive moments that happen all around us.

SMELL

There is a smell.
In my fridge.
I don't know how it got there.
I've cleaned it.
Scrubbed it.
Left a box of open Arm & Hammer baking soda it in.
Cleaned it again.
Threw out anything that might be remotely old.
And still.
It's there.
And now it's infusing all my other foods,
My water & my ginger ale,
With it's sickly sweet smell.

So who wants to come over for dinner? Yum!

MISS UNIVERSE

Miss USA falls down at the Miss Universe contestant.
This is international news, people.
International.

SOLVENT

Before going to bed last night, I reconciled all my bank accounts, credit cards, student loans, retirement funds, checks, cash, and any other things having to do with money - and was left with only one thing: debt.

I've got it. Probably more than I should. Definitely more than I want. And out of that long process of reconciliation (and with a little help from a certain someone who told me that no, I was not allowed to pay $2,501.50 for a theatre ticket, even if it did come with a tiara, scepter & opera glasses)... I have decided that I need to spend more wisely.

Cut to this morning: a sleepy me, oh-so-comfortable under the covers. And a familiar Sunday morning argument that I sometimes have with myself begins. Church: to go or not to go. After hitting the snooze on my alarm one too many times, I decide to go & rush to get ready. And although I am a few minutes late, we are singing one of my favorite hymns as I come in. And that makes me feel that decision to come was a good one.

But apparently the REAL reason I was supposed to be there was the sermon: "Beloved Ones, Get Out of Debt".

More often than I probably take time to note, this happens to me. My Sunday morning church experience hits me right in the center of whatever's on my mind, or my heart. And although I usually come to terms with the action I'm supposed to take regarding the issue at hand before I sit in that pew - it sure doesn't hurt to have someone (Someone) else remind you.

WHITNEY

A trip to the Whitney Museum today sparked an interesting conversation about art: does it always have to teach you something? And if it does not, does that make the art less valuable, less useful to society.

The piece in question was black paint on a white canvas - large, perhaps 10 x 15 feet. It was not necessarily a picture of anything. In a room with Pollock-esque splatter paints, it was summed up by my museum comrade as just that: paint on a canvas. No meaning, no story... or if there was a story intended by the artist, it was not conveyed in a way that taught the viewer anything. And therefore it was not valid as "good" art.

I disagreed. And the delicious debate began.

As a general rule, I don't prefer abstract art. For me, what I see usually is just paint splattered on canvas or blocks of color for no particular reason - but nevertheless, there are certain paintings that make me think of something or feel something the moment I look at them. This piece did that for me. I projected my own story onto that white canvas with big, hearty, black brush strokes. There was a city; there were bridges; people were falling (or jumping?); there was dispair; there was stillness among that action.

When I look at a portrait, or a scene, or a still life - there is an obvious thought and point being conveyed to me by that artist. But there something to be said for art that makes you engage in a personal way. That allows you to project your own imagination and create your own story. Are you not then, in a way, a co-creator of the art along with that painter? And isn't it wonderful that I could see in that art something completely different than what you see - and still both our experiences of that painting would be valid and true and neither right nor wrong.

Although my incredibly intelligent museum partner did not necessarily agree with me, I do believe I may have expanded his view a bit - as he did mine. And isn't that what art should do?

*NOTE: this piece is by Franz Kline, entitled "Painting Number 2" - and although it is not the piece I saw in the Whitney today, it is similar and it is the same artist - and it does make me imagine a story.

AIM

A going away party
can be so lame
can be so luke warm
can be so lethargic

But this one was fun
and simple
and surprisingly sad
and sung-ful of awesome karaoke

The work collegue has departed
and a new friendship has taken her place

THE GUYS

For the past two nights, I've spent wonderful evenings out amongst such good friends (most of whom - and this will not surprise those of you who know me well - are males). Last night I watched a hilarious one-act and then spent the evening playing friendly-competative games at a local bar. Won at darts (who's the best at closing out 19 now?) and lost at pool (I totally let you win that game - up for a re-match?).

And although to some it may have just been a casual, normal evening out with the guys... to me it was a beautiful and meaningful few hours. There were a half a dozen moments that made me simply stop and take a second to breath in the blessings that have been showered down upon me.

I am so lucky.
I am so blessed.
I am so grateful.

FOR A FEW

For a few people out there I know.
And maybe for a few more I don't know.

"Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

"I wish someone had warned me that there would come a time in my life when I was supposed to look like I knew what I was doing. I would’ve tried to prepare."
- Ellen Shanman, Right Before Your Eyes

180

I've written 180 days.
One hundred and eighty times.
I've had that many things to say.

And it makes me think - what else takes 180 days...?

An average school year is 180 days.
Many celebrity "jail sentences" are that long.
Trial software for computers often expire after 6 months.

Well, I think my daily efforts are WAY better than any of those things! (Except for maybe the school year part - I am one of those dorks that loved school - a good English class can be a wonderful thing.)

WOW

[title of show] stage door

MARRIAGE

I often dream of getting married. Day dream of it. Literally dream of it. And not necessarily the actual wedding - I'm one of the few women I know who doesn't really have an idea of what her "perfect wedding" will be like. But more the marriage. The whole thing that happens after the wedded bliss. And although I wouldn't consider myself obsessed with it (I don't want it unless it happens when it's right and good and when both of us are committed to making it last) - I do think about marriage an awful lot. And it always makes me smile. The idea of it is so beautiful to me. The amazing blessing of having someone to share your life with - the ups and the inevitable downs, the rearing of children, the decision-making, even the bills! It is an altogether awesome idea to me. Awe-some. Creating a feeling of awe, wonderment. And even more awesome when it lasts and lasts. And lasts. And I believe that there will come a day when I find a person to live that dream with me. Until then... my sleeping subconscious dreamland will have to do.

4th of JULY

One of the best, most fun Independence days I've had in a long time.
Thanks to those beautiful friends (and you know who you are) who made it a great day.

First there was the Nathan's International Hot Dog Eating Contest - which was truly gross and entertaining. Then a trip to the beach. A jerky, thrilling ride on the Cyclone. Too much of this. Then Hancock. And a quiet night of being exhausted and watching the fireworks on TV.

Such a good day. Such good company. Such a blessing!

[broadway show]

It is a weird and wonderful thing to see a show that you worked on, a company of performers whom you love, a project that you feel so connected to you almost take ownership of it - actually make it to Broadway.

And it is also a weird and wonderful thing to witness the changes in that show - to miss that line about their "super awesome Sardi's charicature"; to like "Original Musical" a little better this time around; to discover new laughs and re-discover old moments that bring a stinging tear to your eye; to be delighted at that last laugh when the show curtain closes.

In the time I've lived in New York City, there haven't been that many shows that I'd say are a "must see", (let alone ones that are simple, original and make you feel good when you leave). But this is one, people. This is one that will re-kindle your love for theatre and your faith in dreams. And this one especially - because I'm so proud to have been part (if even a small part) of it all.

[title of show]
an original broadway musical

EAST OF EDEN

In high school English class, one of our summer reading books was The Grapes of Wrath. I never read it (but I did take a test on it - and passed!). The class discussions were so boring that I wrote off John Steinbeck for good.

The other day, a good friend gave me East of Eden.
By John Steinbeck.

It's his favorite book - and it's an epic one - and since he's one of my favorite people, I thought I'd give John another try.

It's been a long time since I've been able to curl up with a really good novel. And considering this one's as thick as Harry Potter 7 (with smaller print), I'll be curling up with it for quite a while.

FOR ALLIE

"Oh, how she despised the torment of loving like a girl instead of like… like a sophisticated woman – whatever that might be!"
- Jan Karon, A Common Life

"Let the peace of this place surround you as you sit or kneel quietly. Let the hurry and worry of your life fall away. You are God’s child. He loves you and cares for you, and he is here with you now and always. Speak to Him thoughtfully, give yourself time for Him to bring things to mind."
- Jan Karon, A New Song

"Do you think there’s any way humans can love each other without complication? And love is always complicated. But still humans must try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."
- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love