SIMPLE GIFTS

This song was in my head as I awoke this morning... I love it - how simple and beautiful.

Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free

Tis a gift to live just where you want to be

And when we find ourselves in a place just right

Twill be in the valley of love and delight

When true simplicity is gained

To bow and to bend, we’ll not be ashamed

To turn, to turn will be our delight

Till by turning, turning we come ‘round right

DREAM OF HER

I had my first dream last night of my little girl.

A few women I know who are mothers have told me that they had dreams of their child before he or she was born... some strong, some vague, some funny.

Mine was quick - not long - a glimpse of a dream in-between sleeping and waking on a quiet Saturday morning. We were sitting: I was against a hard-backed chair or bench; she was on my lap, sideways, thin legs dangling over my mine, head against my chest, wispy & wavy golden hair against my cheek when I laid my head on hers. I suppose she was 2 or 3 years old. And we seemed to be watching her dad, a little ways off, doing something she didn't quite understand. And she kept asking "What's that?" And I didn't have an answer - which seemed perfectly acceptable in the dream.

But boy, the thing I remember most is how beautiful she was - even though I never really saw her face.

OUR DEEPEST FEAR

"It's not that I don't anticipate success. I can see exactly what this will be, and it's huge and big and wonderful and sensational and very, very frightening because of that. I'm right on the brink, ready to jump in. "

Yes, sweet feet! Yes.

SUBWAY COMFORT

I suppose carting an armchair up the stairs to the subway platform is a way to make sure your wait during the morning commute is comfortable.

Armchair, check. Newspaper, check. All this guy needs is a cup of coffee and he'd be good to go!

(Apologies for the poor quality picture, but had to get a quick shot with my out-of-date cell phone.)

JOINT ACCOUNT

Why is it that of all the things my partner and I have been through over the past months, the idea of combining our finances seems to be one thing that causes the most apprehension? Getting together was exciting, moving into our apartment was a thrill, knowing that we're having a baby together has been nothing short of daily happiness and anticipation...

But tonight, as we had a long and detailed discussion of how to begin combining our finances, I suddenly felt my heart beating in my chest - and I got a little nervous! It wasn't a fear of things not working out or the complications that can come with joining together multiple bank accounts... I think it was the fear of money - and the profit (or more realistically, the debt!) that surrounds that money.

No one talks about money - my family certainly didn't discuss how much of it we had or didn't have while I was growing up; my friends and I dance around the subject not really feeling comfortable discussing whether or not we got that raise we wanted and for how much; and my partner and I really didn't discuss it either... until tonight.

There's the notion of who has a bigger salary, who has more debt, what bills you consider "required" and what you consider "discretionary", figuring out how much your joint monthly income is and what your joint monthly expenses are... and then, there's actually putting a system in place to voluntarily SHARE those incomes and expenses. To say what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours...

I suppose they're just different parts of the same whole: joining your heart & head; and then - with or without trepidation - your money. Profits and debts included.

BABY NOOK

WORDS OF ADVICE

One of the things I've come to love/hate so far about being pregnant are the words of advice that people freely give you, as soon as they find out you're having a baby. It's everything from "be sure to take your prenatal vitamins" to "oh - you can have a glass of wine now and then", from "get your exercise" to "rest as much as possible", from "who's your doctor" (as if they might know every doctor and have an opinion on him/her) to "better start thinking about preschool now before it's too late" (because in New York, even preschool is competitive!).

And when that advice comes from someone who means well and is happy for me, I'm usually good natured enough to take it with a grain of salt, knowing every pregnancy is personal and filled with memories of sage wisdom - the glory of hindsight.

Though on the rare occasion when those opinions come from someone who I feel is being judgmental ("oh... you found out the sex... i think it's better to be surprised"), or when it comes from someone who has never been pregnant before ("i've heard that it's the most painful thing your body can ever go through - worse than running a marathon even"), or - and I'm not usually sexist - when it comes from a man ("you think you're big now... you'll be big as a house in another few months") - well, then it's a bit harder for me to be so good natured about it.

And though I know they are just trying to relate to or share in my experience, there are moments when I wish someone would've told them that a smile and an "i hope you're feeling well" would be the nicest thing to hear.