Have you ever looked at a person you respect acting in a way that made you respect them a little less and then wonder to yourself... "Why did you have to do that?"
Sometimes it's a co-worker, sometimes a political candidate, sometimes a good friend - but it always seems to have the same result: an awkward feeling of embarrassment for them and slight confusion/frustration for me.
I suppose we all put certain people in our lives up on pedestals, holding them to a higher standard (perhaps unfairly high) than the rest of those with whom we surround ourselves. Usually this place of honor is for people we respect or look up to or admire, someone we want to be like or after whom we try to mirror our own actions.
And then, when they slip up - as all mere mortals will do - we're disappointed.
I think it might be more than just disappointment in them, however. I think it also is a general, bigger picture realization that if they can err, so can we. And that reality is humbling. None of us is perfect. None of us is without flaws. Even those we seem to think can do no wrong.
But it's most encouraging when, after a falter, we see them pick themselves back up and try again - make a more earnest, honest attempt. Because it means we, after we falter - which we will do - can do the same.
31 January, 2008
30 January, 2008
NON-BLOG
What happens when you make a promise to yourself to write everyday... and then one day (after a particularly busy day when your mind feels kinda scrambled at 11:30 at night) you can't think of anything to say...
Are you disappointed in yourself?
Are you afraid of disappointing others?
Or do you let yourself off the hook just this once?
Are you disappointed in yourself?
Are you afraid of disappointing others?
Or do you let yourself off the hook just this once?
29 January, 2008
RISE AND SHINE
I love the early morning - when it's still dark outside, but you can make out a dim glowing light on the horizon (or behind the buildings, in my case) that lets you know daybreak is moments away.
I love the quiet feeling - before the rest of the world seems to wake up, when the birds are merely yawning and the traffic hasn't yet gone awry.
I love the walk to the subway on mornings like this - it's so calm and peaceful outside (and today was that perfect crisp temperature... not too cold, but still enough to touch your cheeks and the tip of your nose with a bit of blush). Many store fronts are still closed, and those that are rolling up the gates have sleepy-eyed attendants who might give a slight nod as you pass by. A few dedicated runners are in the park - their breath ever before them in a misty puff. And there's an old lady or two that will cheerfully give you a lively Mornin', complete with a toothy grin - which, for a moment, makes this unrelenting city seem like the most good-natured place you could ever want to be.
I love the quiet feeling - before the rest of the world seems to wake up, when the birds are merely yawning and the traffic hasn't yet gone awry.
I love the walk to the subway on mornings like this - it's so calm and peaceful outside (and today was that perfect crisp temperature... not too cold, but still enough to touch your cheeks and the tip of your nose with a bit of blush). Many store fronts are still closed, and those that are rolling up the gates have sleepy-eyed attendants who might give a slight nod as you pass by. A few dedicated runners are in the park - their breath ever before them in a misty puff. And there's an old lady or two that will cheerfully give you a lively Mornin', complete with a toothy grin - which, for a moment, makes this unrelenting city seem like the most good-natured place you could ever want to be.
28 January, 2008
BREAKFAST
This morning, I decided to eat a good breakfast - I knew I had a long Monday ahead and to prepare I had orange juice, tea and oatmeal. It was satisfying and filling. And made me feel great as I walked out the door.
Then, on the subway, I saw a sight that was a bit disturbing to me.
A beautiful little girl, maybe 2 years old, stumbled onto the train with her mom. She looked sleepy and her mouth was all orange. I noticed there was a half eaten bag of Doritos in her tiny hand. She sat next to me and sort of smiled. And I thought, Doritos for breakfast?
At the next stop, an adorable little boy, maybe 2 or 3, dragged by his mother, got on - and in his sticky grip was a bag of M&M's. Peanut M&M's. He sat on the other side of me and had bags under his eyes. Really - a toddler with dark circles!
And fully pleased with my healthy breakfast, I sat between two children eating pure crap at 9 o'clock in the morning. Chips and chocolate for the most important meal of the day. And you could see how a habit of this (and most likely more salty, sugary goodness throughout the day) was wearing on them. They literally looked worn out - aged, somehow.
It was strange - and while part of me wanted to ask the adults why they would subject their kids to these bad habits, I noticed that they, too, were eating Doritos and M&M's - and looking just as tired and worn out.
It was sad to me. But as there was not much to be done, I just tried to make those little lives next to me laugh and start their morning off with a giggle or two. A smile in the A.M. for me was not a bad trade-off, either!
Then, on the subway, I saw a sight that was a bit disturbing to me.
A beautiful little girl, maybe 2 years old, stumbled onto the train with her mom. She looked sleepy and her mouth was all orange. I noticed there was a half eaten bag of Doritos in her tiny hand. She sat next to me and sort of smiled. And I thought, Doritos for breakfast?
At the next stop, an adorable little boy, maybe 2 or 3, dragged by his mother, got on - and in his sticky grip was a bag of M&M's. Peanut M&M's. He sat on the other side of me and had bags under his eyes. Really - a toddler with dark circles!
And fully pleased with my healthy breakfast, I sat between two children eating pure crap at 9 o'clock in the morning. Chips and chocolate for the most important meal of the day. And you could see how a habit of this (and most likely more salty, sugary goodness throughout the day) was wearing on them. They literally looked worn out - aged, somehow.
It was strange - and while part of me wanted to ask the adults why they would subject their kids to these bad habits, I noticed that they, too, were eating Doritos and M&M's - and looking just as tired and worn out.
It was sad to me. But as there was not much to be done, I just tried to make those little lives next to me laugh and start their morning off with a giggle or two. A smile in the A.M. for me was not a bad trade-off, either!
27 January, 2008
SACRIFICES
In church today, the pastor commented that... "to move forward in your career in New York, you make big sacrifices."
And I thought - what have those sacrifices been for me?
Perhaps I am sacrificing my desire to be married - a thing which many of my friends back home (who are the same age as I am) already have. Perhaps I am sacrificing the meaningful life-changing step of having children - another thing which many of my Ohio friends have. Perhaps I am sacrificing my close connection with my family - since they all live there and I'm the one who moved away. Perhaps I am sacrificing the complacent ease of being comfortable for a life that's much more challenging.
And is a career worth those sacrifices?
As I take stock of what I have in my life, I am reminded of my overwhelming blessings. And I am also reminded that I have not truly sacrificed any of those things to be here, but am perhaps only taking the longer way around.
The married couples I know in New York are, on average, five years older than me - so there's still time! Those I know in New York who have children are also holding down, and enjoying, viable careers - so there's still hope! And with the internet, cell phones, and cheap flights to Akron/Canton, my family is only a click, call or plane ride away - and we have a closeness between us that could never be doubted, not for a million miles.
And as for having a challenging life: yes, I'll agree with that. It is challenging to live here in New York City. And it is challenging to want things in my life that are not in the cards for me right now. But it is a challenge I have chosen - and I am glad to be living it, fully and with grace.
"Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home."
- C. S. Lewis
And I thought - what have those sacrifices been for me?
Perhaps I am sacrificing my desire to be married - a thing which many of my friends back home (who are the same age as I am) already have. Perhaps I am sacrificing the meaningful life-changing step of having children - another thing which many of my Ohio friends have. Perhaps I am sacrificing my close connection with my family - since they all live there and I'm the one who moved away. Perhaps I am sacrificing the complacent ease of being comfortable for a life that's much more challenging.
And is a career worth those sacrifices?
As I take stock of what I have in my life, I am reminded of my overwhelming blessings. And I am also reminded that I have not truly sacrificed any of those things to be here, but am perhaps only taking the longer way around.
The married couples I know in New York are, on average, five years older than me - so there's still time! Those I know in New York who have children are also holding down, and enjoying, viable careers - so there's still hope! And with the internet, cell phones, and cheap flights to Akron/Canton, my family is only a click, call or plane ride away - and we have a closeness between us that could never be doubted, not for a million miles.
And as for having a challenging life: yes, I'll agree with that. It is challenging to live here in New York City. And it is challenging to want things in my life that are not in the cards for me right now. But it is a challenge I have chosen - and I am glad to be living it, fully and with grace.
"Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home."
- C. S. Lewis
26 January, 2008
"INTO THE WILD" AND OTHERS
"... relieved that he had again evaded the impending threat of human intimacy, of friendship, and all the messy emotional baggage that comes with it."
- INTO THE WILD, Krakauer
"... that's not the hardest part, the hardest part is loving somebody who cares for you."
- THE HARDEST PART, Adams
These thoughts fascinate me - and worry me. The fact that there are those who seem to prefer closing down, putting up the emotional wall, rather than facing the intimacy of relationships.
Yes, sustaining a love between two people can be hard.
Yes, it can be messy and emotional.
Yes, there is work involved.
And there is also great joy.
And there is also comfort and reliability.
And it is also always worth the risk.
They say that the human body doesn't remember pain. Perhaps that's why we will always attempt to love again, no matter how wretched the heartbreak was before.
"... and so it turned out that only a life merging with the life around us is a genuine life - an unshared happiness is not happiness at all." - DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, Pasternak
"... there are no events but thoughts and the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning where to love and whom - the rest is merely gossip, and tales for other times." - HOLY THE FIRM, Dillard
- INTO THE WILD, Krakauer
"... that's not the hardest part, the hardest part is loving somebody who cares for you."
- THE HARDEST PART, Adams
These thoughts fascinate me - and worry me. The fact that there are those who seem to prefer closing down, putting up the emotional wall, rather than facing the intimacy of relationships.
Yes, sustaining a love between two people can be hard.
Yes, it can be messy and emotional.
Yes, there is work involved.
And there is also great joy.
And there is also comfort and reliability.
And it is also always worth the risk.
They say that the human body doesn't remember pain. Perhaps that's why we will always attempt to love again, no matter how wretched the heartbreak was before.
"... and so it turned out that only a life merging with the life around us is a genuine life - an unshared happiness is not happiness at all." - DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, Pasternak
"... there are no events but thoughts and the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning where to love and whom - the rest is merely gossip, and tales for other times." - HOLY THE FIRM, Dillard
25 January, 2008
GETTING USED TO IT
I suppose all new things take some getting used to.
I realize this is not a new thought or a profound "aha" moment, but in chatting with a friend of mine tonight, this truth became a little clearer to me.
One of the new things I'm involved in at the moment is living by myself. And I was never really sure how I'd react to it - especially having spent the last few decades always living with at least one other person: my family, my college dormmate, my friends, my beau. Always experiencing the comfort of that last moment in the evening when I can say "Good Night" to someone.
But it's quieter now. And my own thoughts are the things that most keep me company. And I'm just not used to that yet.
Here are 3 particular things I've come to realize while living alone:
* I've only recently started to have the feeling of wanting to be at my house, my own place... that's a nice feeling.
* Although I've already lived in this neighborhood for a year and a half - and I'm comfortable here - living by myself does create a small fear in me that I've not experienced before.
* The freedom to be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, means you only have yourself to answer to - and without a certain discipline, I often find myself being too lenient!
I realize this is not a new thought or a profound "aha" moment, but in chatting with a friend of mine tonight, this truth became a little clearer to me.
One of the new things I'm involved in at the moment is living by myself. And I was never really sure how I'd react to it - especially having spent the last few decades always living with at least one other person: my family, my college dormmate, my friends, my beau. Always experiencing the comfort of that last moment in the evening when I can say "Good Night" to someone.
But it's quieter now. And my own thoughts are the things that most keep me company. And I'm just not used to that yet.
Here are 3 particular things I've come to realize while living alone:
* I've only recently started to have the feeling of wanting to be at my house, my own place... that's a nice feeling.
* Although I've already lived in this neighborhood for a year and a half - and I'm comfortable here - living by myself does create a small fear in me that I've not experienced before.
* The freedom to be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, means you only have yourself to answer to - and without a certain discipline, I often find myself being too lenient!
24 January, 2008
ACCOMPLISHMENT
I love the feeling of accomplishment. It can be over something as seemingly insignificant as eating well for a whole week (and not giving into the devious temptation of that dark chocolate!) or as meaningful as putting together every aspect of a huge event for work and having it all go off without a hitch.
It is so gratifying to have a task at hand and know that you will do/have done it well.
Today was one of those especially good days. I've been up since 7:00am and worked (joyfully & consistently) until now - 15 hours later! And I enjoyed every minute of it - because I felt like I was accomplishing so much, and it was making me happy. I had a day where I realized that I love what I do, (and what I'm striving to do) and that I'm proud to work where I work and be a part of a company that I believe in.
These kinds of days leave me exhausted and grateful and happy to fall into bed.
It is so gratifying to have a task at hand and know that you will do/have done it well.
Today was one of those especially good days. I've been up since 7:00am and worked (joyfully & consistently) until now - 15 hours later! And I enjoyed every minute of it - because I felt like I was accomplishing so much, and it was making me happy. I had a day where I realized that I love what I do, (and what I'm striving to do) and that I'm proud to work where I work and be a part of a company that I believe in.
These kinds of days leave me exhausted and grateful and happy to fall into bed.
23 January, 2008
"INTO THE WILD"
I haven't seen the movie yet, but I'm reading the book.
And then I will mostly likely go see the movie.
Many people I know have said how great the movie is - how great the story is - but I'm not sure yet. I mean, I can't speak to the movie... but the book is hard for me to read. And I don't mean difficult to get through - it's well-written, intriguing - I mean emotionally.
I'm only about 1/2 way through, but I feel caught between feeling overjoyed for the kid and feeling my heart break for him. And not just him - but those who loved him, too.
I agree that it's important and noble to search for your Self, to seek out Who You Are, to strive to be the Person You Want to Be. But, at what cost? Aren't we, as humans, also responsible to other humans... not just ourselves? Is he daring and forthright about staying true to himself, or is he just young & selfish?
I may be speaking too soon about this dichotomy I feel. Perhaps I'll have a different opinion once I finish the story. But for now, I'm walking a fine line between admiration and frustration.
And then I will mostly likely go see the movie.
Many people I know have said how great the movie is - how great the story is - but I'm not sure yet. I mean, I can't speak to the movie... but the book is hard for me to read. And I don't mean difficult to get through - it's well-written, intriguing - I mean emotionally.
I'm only about 1/2 way through, but I feel caught between feeling overjoyed for the kid and feeling my heart break for him. And not just him - but those who loved him, too.
I agree that it's important and noble to search for your Self, to seek out Who You Are, to strive to be the Person You Want to Be. But, at what cost? Aren't we, as humans, also responsible to other humans... not just ourselves? Is he daring and forthright about staying true to himself, or is he just young & selfish?
I may be speaking too soon about this dichotomy I feel. Perhaps I'll have a different opinion once I finish the story. But for now, I'm walking a fine line between admiration and frustration.
22 January, 2008
RESPONSE
A beautiful and wise friend of mine wrote this in response to my blog about DR. KING...
I always think about how our kids will never know a pre-9/11 world. Will that tragedy be nothing more to them then the JFK assassination is for us? Or Pearl Harbor? Those two events created this common bond between people from all walks of life in each generation. Everyone in our parents generation remembers where they were and how they felt when they heard the news of JFK's death. Just as 9/11 has become that common ground and bonding point for our generation. My Dad was in school in the lab when he found out about JFK, my Mom was much younger but remembered watching the funeral on tv.
On 9/11- I was peacefully sleeping in my tiny sorority house bedroom when the phone rang and my mom informed me of the first plane hitting, while we were on the phone I remember "Oh my God Meghann, another plane just hit the other tower! I think we might be under attack". 30 seconds later I had roused the rest of the happily sleeping sorority girls and we all gathered around the tv. No one in our generation will ever forget that moment, because it was the first time that it ever occurred to us that we might not be safe in our own country. As Pearl Harbor and JFK and MLK Jr, were pivotal moments in those time periods - those main events you can point to and say "This is where is all changed", 9/11 is our pivotal moment- when we stopped and took stock, and were forced to really and truly evaluate our lives, our culture, and our country.
In all of us, memories of 9/11 are still clear, the repercussions and impact of that day are still resounding through us like a gong. But what will our children hear? Echoes of time past- what it used to be like? That won't help, they will not have a concept of the shock and fear of that day, and it won't be their fault. Until 9/11, we and our parents, had no concept of what Pearl Harbor felt like to our grandparents. We knew what happened, the historical significance of it- but we didn't know what if felt like.
Not that I ever want my children to feel that shock and fear- I hope that I can instill in them some appreciation of it, because my worst fear of all is - what will their pivotal moment be?
I always think about how our kids will never know a pre-9/11 world. Will that tragedy be nothing more to them then the JFK assassination is for us? Or Pearl Harbor? Those two events created this common bond between people from all walks of life in each generation. Everyone in our parents generation remembers where they were and how they felt when they heard the news of JFK's death. Just as 9/11 has become that common ground and bonding point for our generation. My Dad was in school in the lab when he found out about JFK, my Mom was much younger but remembered watching the funeral on tv.
On 9/11- I was peacefully sleeping in my tiny sorority house bedroom when the phone rang and my mom informed me of the first plane hitting, while we were on the phone I remember "Oh my God Meghann, another plane just hit the other tower! I think we might be under attack". 30 seconds later I had roused the rest of the happily sleeping sorority girls and we all gathered around the tv. No one in our generation will ever forget that moment, because it was the first time that it ever occurred to us that we might not be safe in our own country. As Pearl Harbor and JFK and MLK Jr, were pivotal moments in those time periods - those main events you can point to and say "This is where is all changed", 9/11 is our pivotal moment- when we stopped and took stock, and were forced to really and truly evaluate our lives, our culture, and our country.
In all of us, memories of 9/11 are still clear, the repercussions and impact of that day are still resounding through us like a gong. But what will our children hear? Echoes of time past- what it used to be like? That won't help, they will not have a concept of the shock and fear of that day, and it won't be their fault. Until 9/11, we and our parents, had no concept of what Pearl Harbor felt like to our grandparents. We knew what happened, the historical significance of it- but we didn't know what if felt like.
Not that I ever want my children to feel that shock and fear- I hope that I can instill in them some appreciation of it, because my worst fear of all is - what will their pivotal moment be?
21 January, 2008
DR. KING
I'd like to write an entry today honoring Dr. King (since it's his special holiday and all) - but the strange (and all too common) brutally honest truth is... I don't think about Martin Luther King very much and I don't really have anything to say.
Oh, I think a lot of him: his bravery, leadership, and willingness to stand for what he knew in his heart was true & good while others around him were working against those ideals. But, I don't often sit and actually think about what one simple man can do for himself, his fellow humans, and this country.
I wonder if many people do take the time to reflect on what MLK Day is really all about - or if they are just glad to have a day off from work. I suppose if I didn't have this daily blog, and actually took a few minutes out of each day specifically to write about something, I would fall into that oblivious group - just happy to sleep in.
A blunt thought: is it that I'm white and therefore don't feel the gratitude or pride that black people do towards Dr. King? I'd hope it's not that grossly simple... but it could be. Since I wasn't alive to witness the marches and the speeches and the shooting, do I therefore feel like it's just another piece of history which doesn't emotionally affect me?
I'm proud to be living during an election year which could prove to usher in the first black or female president. Even the fact that they are the front-runners in their party is an historic event. And assuming that humanity is willing to learn from the past and grow towards the future, it's pretty safe to assume that (even if it's not this year - although it pains me to say that!) there will eventually be a black president, or a female president, or both.
And will my children (or my childrens' children) look upon this time that I'm living in right now and feel as detatched about Hillary or Obama as I do about Dr. King? *
* I realize this may sound like I'm comparing these two candidates to Dr. King - I'm not. I'm mostly just wondering if this detached feeling from historical events is inevitable over time. No matter how passionate we are about them in the moment, do the following generations always seem apathetic to things that affected us so greatly?
Oh, I think a lot of him: his bravery, leadership, and willingness to stand for what he knew in his heart was true & good while others around him were working against those ideals. But, I don't often sit and actually think about what one simple man can do for himself, his fellow humans, and this country.
I wonder if many people do take the time to reflect on what MLK Day is really all about - or if they are just glad to have a day off from work. I suppose if I didn't have this daily blog, and actually took a few minutes out of each day specifically to write about something, I would fall into that oblivious group - just happy to sleep in.
A blunt thought: is it that I'm white and therefore don't feel the gratitude or pride that black people do towards Dr. King? I'd hope it's not that grossly simple... but it could be. Since I wasn't alive to witness the marches and the speeches and the shooting, do I therefore feel like it's just another piece of history which doesn't emotionally affect me?
I'm proud to be living during an election year which could prove to usher in the first black or female president. Even the fact that they are the front-runners in their party is an historic event. And assuming that humanity is willing to learn from the past and grow towards the future, it's pretty safe to assume that (even if it's not this year - although it pains me to say that!) there will eventually be a black president, or a female president, or both.
And will my children (or my childrens' children) look upon this time that I'm living in right now and feel as detatched about Hillary or Obama as I do about Dr. King? *
* I realize this may sound like I'm comparing these two candidates to Dr. King - I'm not. I'm mostly just wondering if this detached feeling from historical events is inevitable over time. No matter how passionate we are about them in the moment, do the following generations always seem apathetic to things that affected us so greatly?
20 January, 2008
GIANTS
I've truly come to love football. At first, as a kid, I'd just watch it because my dad watched it. Then in high school, I totally ignored it (except that I'd sort of half-watch because I was in the band that played at half time). Come college, I got hooked on the Steelers because I went to school in downtown Pittsburgh and it's impossible NOT to have a Steelers heart while living there.
Above all, I love the feeling and energy of being in a room full of people who are all cheering for the same team - all focused on the same goal: winning. And it's best when the team you're rooting for is the underdog, (best that is if they come out on top)!
So tonight, when a good friend of mine & I had a "Girls Night Out at a Bar Watching Football" it was tremendously exciting to see the Giants win their final playoff game before advancing to the Super Bowl. And particularly cool to be in New York City when it happened.
Now, I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a Giants fan (personally, I think Eli is a bit of a dork - a dork with a good arm)... I guess, sometimes, it's not so much the team you're cheering for, but the feeling of being caught up in something greater than you - a swelling of anticipation and a sudden bursting forth of passion and joy from an entire group of people at the same time - that can be really incredible.
So, way to go Giants. And kudos in particular to #9 who finally got that third-time's-a-charm redemption at the end!
Above all, I love the feeling and energy of being in a room full of people who are all cheering for the same team - all focused on the same goal: winning. And it's best when the team you're rooting for is the underdog, (best that is if they come out on top)!
So tonight, when a good friend of mine & I had a "Girls Night Out at a Bar Watching Football" it was tremendously exciting to see the Giants win their final playoff game before advancing to the Super Bowl. And particularly cool to be in New York City when it happened.
Now, I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a Giants fan (personally, I think Eli is a bit of a dork - a dork with a good arm)... I guess, sometimes, it's not so much the team you're cheering for, but the feeling of being caught up in something greater than you - a swelling of anticipation and a sudden bursting forth of passion and joy from an entire group of people at the same time - that can be really incredible.
So, way to go Giants. And kudos in particular to #9 who finally got that third-time's-a-charm redemption at the end!
19 January, 2008
HOPE FOR THE BEST
There are certain things that I expect to just happen in my life.
Big Things: like Marriage, Children, Owning a Car (someday).
And little things, too: like always having a wine opener around when you need one, never losing your car keys, getting the Sunday Times delivered right to my apartment door without ever missing an issue (and then, if it's not there, having to wonder if I have lousy neighbors who might've taken it).
And it's more often the little things that disappoint me most if they don't happen the way I expect. I suppose that's because the Big Things don't happen everyday...
There's a saying: "Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst". (Or is it, "Plan for the Worst, Expect the Best"?)
And which is better? Or is either a good enough option? How can you hope for one thing and expect the opposite at the same time? You're bound to be frustrated if the best that you've hoped for doesn't happen... and even if you've also expected the worst, it doesn't protect you in any way or make that "grrr" feeling any different.
So what's to be done?
There are other sayings attempting to give an answer: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", "Let Go and Let God", "This Too Shall Pass".
Sometimes, though - in the moment of frustration, it's hard to remember those kinds of words.
Oh, well. Tomorrow's another day (look - there's another one!) and I'll probably have forgotten all about those disappointments in the little things. But don't they always feel like the Big Things at the time?
Big Things: like Marriage, Children, Owning a Car (someday).
And little things, too: like always having a wine opener around when you need one, never losing your car keys, getting the Sunday Times delivered right to my apartment door without ever missing an issue (and then, if it's not there, having to wonder if I have lousy neighbors who might've taken it).
And it's more often the little things that disappoint me most if they don't happen the way I expect. I suppose that's because the Big Things don't happen everyday...
There's a saying: "Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst". (Or is it, "Plan for the Worst, Expect the Best"?)
And which is better? Or is either a good enough option? How can you hope for one thing and expect the opposite at the same time? You're bound to be frustrated if the best that you've hoped for doesn't happen... and even if you've also expected the worst, it doesn't protect you in any way or make that "grrr" feeling any different.
So what's to be done?
There are other sayings attempting to give an answer: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", "Let Go and Let God", "This Too Shall Pass".
Sometimes, though - in the moment of frustration, it's hard to remember those kinds of words.
Oh, well. Tomorrow's another day (look - there's another one!) and I'll probably have forgotten all about those disappointments in the little things. But don't they always feel like the Big Things at the time?
18 January, 2008
THE WOOD SONG
Been listening to this song a lot lately... can't get it out of my head, so I thought I'd post it today:
The thin horizon of a plan is almost clear
My friends and I have had a tough time
Bruising our brains hard up against change
All the old dogs and the magician
Now I see we're in the boat in two by twos
Only the heart that we have for a tool we could use
And the very close quarters are hard to get used to
Love weighs the hull down with its weight
But the wood is tired and the wood is old
And well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
No way construction of this tricky plan
Was built by other than a greater hand
With a love that passes all our understanding
Watching closely over the journey
But what it takes to cross the great divide
Seems more than all the courage I can muster up inside
Although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side
The prize is always worth the rocky ride
But the wood is tired and the wood is old
And well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
Sometimes I ask to take a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
The wood is tired and the wood is old
Well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
(Indigo Girls)
The thin horizon of a plan is almost clear
My friends and I have had a tough time
Bruising our brains hard up against change
All the old dogs and the magician
Now I see we're in the boat in two by twos
Only the heart that we have for a tool we could use
And the very close quarters are hard to get used to
Love weighs the hull down with its weight
But the wood is tired and the wood is old
And well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
No way construction of this tricky plan
Was built by other than a greater hand
With a love that passes all our understanding
Watching closely over the journey
But what it takes to cross the great divide
Seems more than all the courage I can muster up inside
Although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side
The prize is always worth the rocky ride
But the wood is tired and the wood is old
And well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
Sometimes I ask to take a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
The wood is tired and the wood is old
Well make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds well have missed the point
That's where I need to go
(Indigo Girls)
17 January, 2008
GREAT THEATRE
Being someone who works in the theatre, I often don't get to SEE as much theatre as I should (or as I'd like to)... but tonight I'm going to an incredible production called 39 STEPS.
How do I know it's incredible? Because I've already seen it.
Why am I going again? Because it's amazing.
It's been a while since I've been entertained like this at the theatre. The play is full of physical comedy and clowning that takes a particular kind of talent & attention to details and emotions.
Whenever I spend an evening in the theatre with a play that excites me like this, it re-invigorates my love for it. And even though working in the theatre sounds like it might be all fun, all the time - there are, of course, those days when it's just as frustrating a job as anywhere else.
So it's important - no, vital! - for me to have experiences like this, to remember why I love this art form, to reconnect with that child in me who giggles just thinking about it.
Tonight will be full of smiles.
How do I know it's incredible? Because I've already seen it.
Why am I going again? Because it's amazing.
It's been a while since I've been entertained like this at the theatre. The play is full of physical comedy and clowning that takes a particular kind of talent & attention to details and emotions.
Whenever I spend an evening in the theatre with a play that excites me like this, it re-invigorates my love for it. And even though working in the theatre sounds like it might be all fun, all the time - there are, of course, those days when it's just as frustrating a job as anywhere else.
So it's important - no, vital! - for me to have experiences like this, to remember why I love this art form, to reconnect with that child in me who giggles just thinking about it.
Tonight will be full of smiles.
16 January, 2008
FIREY DANCE
Over the weekend, I had a short discussion with someone that left a lingering impression on me.
There is definitely much to be said for trying to stay calm and steady and stress-free in every situation. It is a goal that I am ever-striving to achieve (and some days I feel I do reach that goal).
But what about the importance of letting yourself really feel those negative emotions that creep up every once in a while? While letting go of anger and hurt and sorrow seems like a noble idea, it's not so easy if you never actually take the time to honor and recognize those troublesome feelings.
I find that sometimes when I fool myself into believing that I've forgiven the one who's hurt me and let go of the pain, that's exactly when it rises up in me again - taunting me and dancing a firey dance around my heart, letting me know that it's still there in all its awful glory.
And boy is it worse the second time around. And the third. And so on - until I get the courage to confront that pain (or even more agonizing, the person who caused the pain!) and really get things off my chest, out of my heart.
Only then can I truly return to the pursuit of a peaceful daily life.
Only then can I honestly move on to the fullness of forgiveness... and particularly forgiving myself (for some of those pains are self-inflicted).
And for me, forgiving myself is always the hardest.
There is definitely much to be said for trying to stay calm and steady and stress-free in every situation. It is a goal that I am ever-striving to achieve (and some days I feel I do reach that goal).
But what about the importance of letting yourself really feel those negative emotions that creep up every once in a while? While letting go of anger and hurt and sorrow seems like a noble idea, it's not so easy if you never actually take the time to honor and recognize those troublesome feelings.
I find that sometimes when I fool myself into believing that I've forgiven the one who's hurt me and let go of the pain, that's exactly when it rises up in me again - taunting me and dancing a firey dance around my heart, letting me know that it's still there in all its awful glory.
And boy is it worse the second time around. And the third. And so on - until I get the courage to confront that pain (or even more agonizing, the person who caused the pain!) and really get things off my chest, out of my heart.
Only then can I truly return to the pursuit of a peaceful daily life.
Only then can I honestly move on to the fullness of forgiveness... and particularly forgiving myself (for some of those pains are self-inflicted).
And for me, forgiving myself is always the hardest.
15 January, 2008
BAD TV
Usually I really like watching Law & Order (the original and SVU and CI)... but tonight's episode of Special Victim's Unit was particularly disturbing and has put me in a foul mood.
I spent the day resting (I've got that cold that's been floating around), then hung some blinds in my apartment, cleaned the bathtub, listened to good music... aside from the coughing and the tiredness, I was feeling pretty positive.
But watching just that one hour of television has left me feeling frustrated with society and a bit angry.
I guess I should've stayed in my happy world. Perhaps next time I will.
I spent the day resting (I've got that cold that's been floating around), then hung some blinds in my apartment, cleaned the bathtub, listened to good music... aside from the coughing and the tiredness, I was feeling pretty positive.
But watching just that one hour of television has left me feeling frustrated with society and a bit angry.
I guess I should've stayed in my happy world. Perhaps next time I will.
14 January, 2008
THE BODY
I think the human body is amazing. There are feats unimaginable that you think you'll never be able to endure - and somehow this incredible vehicle of muscles and bones and a beating heart pulls us through.
I recognize the strength and power of the body (not to mention the spirit!) most when watching shows like "Globe Trekker" or pretty much anything on The Travel Channel. Desert heat. Intense winds. Temperatures cold enough to freeze your eyelashes. Battling rushing rapids or millions of mosquitoes. Building your own "lean-to" just so you can get some rest without getting soaked by the rain before getting up at six in the morning to continue your long journey.
But there are everyday activities when the body amazes me, too. Carrying boxes up about 100 steps. Feeling under the weather, but coherently getting through your workday. Waking up every few hours to feed a newborn. Driving two hours to a hospital to spend the evening with your sister whose husband is in surgery, even though you yourself are exhausted.
And in addition to the miracle of our bodies getting us through moments like these, it is also incredibly intuitive - knowing exactly when we've had too much. And not being afraid to let us know with a cold, or an illness, or even just the overwhelming feeling of TIRED that we all surely recognize.
I think that if we rely on our bodies to help us get through life's rough patches, (and it always comes through!) then we also need to learn to listen when our bodies are telling us to relax.
And that's what I plan to do tonight.
I recognize the strength and power of the body (not to mention the spirit!) most when watching shows like "Globe Trekker" or pretty much anything on The Travel Channel. Desert heat. Intense winds. Temperatures cold enough to freeze your eyelashes. Battling rushing rapids or millions of mosquitoes. Building your own "lean-to" just so you can get some rest without getting soaked by the rain before getting up at six in the morning to continue your long journey.
But there are everyday activities when the body amazes me, too. Carrying boxes up about 100 steps. Feeling under the weather, but coherently getting through your workday. Waking up every few hours to feed a newborn. Driving two hours to a hospital to spend the evening with your sister whose husband is in surgery, even though you yourself are exhausted.
And in addition to the miracle of our bodies getting us through moments like these, it is also incredibly intuitive - knowing exactly when we've had too much. And not being afraid to let us know with a cold, or an illness, or even just the overwhelming feeling of TIRED that we all surely recognize.
I think that if we rely on our bodies to help us get through life's rough patches, (and it always comes through!) then we also need to learn to listen when our bodies are telling us to relax.
And that's what I plan to do tonight.
13 January, 2008
GOOD NIGHT'S REST
Tonight I will sleep like a baby.
A weekend of moving (particularly one that involves several trips up and down five flights) is exhausting! Physically and emotionally.
But before I pass out, I will take a moment to offer up an abundance of gratitude for my beau & his sis (two people I could not have finished this move without). She gave us her car for the day, which was a godsend. And he struggled up those stairs with me, giving me support while moving the dresser, the piano... and also - and more importantly - when I broke down with the occasional tears of change.
But, with all of my belongings finally in one place, I can begin the process of truly embracing that change.
A weekend of moving (particularly one that involves several trips up and down five flights) is exhausting! Physically and emotionally.
But before I pass out, I will take a moment to offer up an abundance of gratitude for my beau & his sis (two people I could not have finished this move without). She gave us her car for the day, which was a godsend. And he struggled up those stairs with me, giving me support while moving the dresser, the piano... and also - and more importantly - when I broke down with the occasional tears of change.
But, with all of my belongings finally in one place, I can begin the process of truly embracing that change.
12 January, 2008
OLLY OLLY
Having spent the majority of my day moving boxes, (one by one!) it's a beautiful thing to sit down, induldge in some great music, and take a few moments to reflect.
I really enjoy the process of moving. Packing up all my belongings. Taking stock of what's important, and what things I can purge. Finding old, interesting items that I'd completely forgotten about. And then giving them all a new home - finding out just where everything fits. I talked to myself all day, asking "Does this go here? Does it look good? Does it work?"
Aside from the physical aspects of moving, there's another side which I also enjoy - but am always a bit anxious about: the emotional impact. Taking stock of what's important, and learning what worries I can purge (or new ones that come up without encouragement!). Rediscovering old, interesting feelings that rise up at the excitement of it all (and the un-sureness, too). And then finding new ways to deal with and express these emotions.
I'm discovering that there's a particular surge of emotional vulnerability that comes with moving into your very own place... well, at least there is for me. This freedom and independence comes with a responsibility to myself that I've not had before. And somewhere inside that vulnerability (or perhaps through it, beyond it) lies a new confidence and a lightness that I'm still seeking.
Perhaps it's hidden in this new place. Olly, Olly Oxen Free!*
*"Olly olly oxen free" is a phrase used in children's games, which is generally used to indicate that people who are hiding (in a game of hide and seek, for example) can safely come out into the open.
I really enjoy the process of moving. Packing up all my belongings. Taking stock of what's important, and what things I can purge. Finding old, interesting items that I'd completely forgotten about. And then giving them all a new home - finding out just where everything fits. I talked to myself all day, asking "Does this go here? Does it look good? Does it work?"
Aside from the physical aspects of moving, there's another side which I also enjoy - but am always a bit anxious about: the emotional impact. Taking stock of what's important, and learning what worries I can purge (or new ones that come up without encouragement!). Rediscovering old, interesting feelings that rise up at the excitement of it all (and the un-sureness, too). And then finding new ways to deal with and express these emotions.
I'm discovering that there's a particular surge of emotional vulnerability that comes with moving into your very own place... well, at least there is for me. This freedom and independence comes with a responsibility to myself that I've not had before. And somewhere inside that vulnerability (or perhaps through it, beyond it) lies a new confidence and a lightness that I'm still seeking.
Perhaps it's hidden in this new place. Olly, Olly Oxen Free!*
*"Olly olly oxen free" is a phrase used in children's games, which is generally used to indicate that people who are hiding (in a game of hide and seek, for example) can safely come out into the open.
11 January, 2008
SOME CHANGES MADE
My dad has long been the one who's introduced me to some of my favorite music. When I was young, he used to induldge my dancing around the livingroom to Prince, Yes, Genesis, Sting... and there are particular songs from those bands that, when I hear them, instantly bring me back to being five-years-old and fiercely remind me of my dad.
Then there is the music he's recently introduced me to - our passion for great song writing being one of the many things we share. Bruce Hornsby's "Gonna Be Some Changes Made" is a song I may not have known so well, were it not for my dad.
As I pack up the last of my belongings and get ready to move this morning, I turned on my iTunes and this song happened to be the next one on the playlist. And although I don't remember selecting the "repeat song" option, that familiar chorus played over and over...
Gonna be some changes, changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Look in the mirror I see clouds of rain
Gotta take it all, gotta get myself straight
and later, the more encouraging:
Gonna be some changes, changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Look in the mirror I see clouds erased
Some changes made
Yes, yes indeed.
Some changes made.
Then there is the music he's recently introduced me to - our passion for great song writing being one of the many things we share. Bruce Hornsby's "Gonna Be Some Changes Made" is a song I may not have known so well, were it not for my dad.
As I pack up the last of my belongings and get ready to move this morning, I turned on my iTunes and this song happened to be the next one on the playlist. And although I don't remember selecting the "repeat song" option, that familiar chorus played over and over...
Gonna be some changes, changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Look in the mirror I see clouds of rain
Gotta take it all, gotta get myself straight
and later, the more encouraging:
Gonna be some changes, changes made
Can't keep on doing what I've been doing these days
Look in the mirror I see clouds erased
Some changes made
Yes, yes indeed.
Some changes made.
10 January, 2008
GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS
For the past 3 1/2 months I've been sleeping on friends' black pleather couches and wooden futons. And while I'm looking forward to enjoying my queen-size bed (in my own bedroom, in my own apartment, into which I'll be moving this weekend) it's bittersweet to be leaving the comfort and safety of my friends' homes.
These four incredible individuals have been a tremendously vital part of my life during a time of upheaval and change and what felt like the world falling apart around me. They have been my family when I couldn't be with my family. They have been my reason to smile when it was all I could do not to cry. They have let me eat their food, watch their reality television, spend much too much time in their bathrooms. They have patiently listened to me overanalyze my problems (again and again... and again). They have had the wisdom to let me be alone when I needed to be alone - and to dress me up and take me out when I needed not to be alone.
They have, each in their own unique way, affected a positive change in my Self that I daresay I will not soon forget.
Sometimes, there are almost tangible moments when you can feel a friendship taking shape. Deepening, solidifying. And although these moments may tend to have their roots in grief or pain or hardship, they are not to be missed - not to be taken for granted.
To the four of you: I am truly grateful beyond words.
These four incredible individuals have been a tremendously vital part of my life during a time of upheaval and change and what felt like the world falling apart around me. They have been my family when I couldn't be with my family. They have been my reason to smile when it was all I could do not to cry. They have let me eat their food, watch their reality television, spend much too much time in their bathrooms. They have patiently listened to me overanalyze my problems (again and again... and again). They have had the wisdom to let me be alone when I needed to be alone - and to dress me up and take me out when I needed not to be alone.
They have, each in their own unique way, affected a positive change in my Self that I daresay I will not soon forget.
Sometimes, there are almost tangible moments when you can feel a friendship taking shape. Deepening, solidifying. And although these moments may tend to have their roots in grief or pain or hardship, they are not to be missed - not to be taken for granted.
To the four of you: I am truly grateful beyond words.
09 January, 2008
OLIVIA IRENE
Today a tiny miracle happened.
Wait - what am I talking about?! A BIG MIRACLE happened. Life, people. LIFE!
A small, beautiful baby girl was officially introduced to my family. Olivia Irene was born to mother Becky, father Chris & big brother Elijah.
I was heartbroken not to be able to be there - but my heart swells to think of that little girl, my first niece. And I can hardly believe that my brother is now a father. And my parents are now grandparents. And my sister and I are aunts... aunts who will spoil that baby rotten.
Thinking about it makes me smile.
Wait - what am I talking about?! A BIG MIRACLE happened. Life, people. LIFE!
A small, beautiful baby girl was officially introduced to my family. Olivia Irene was born to mother Becky, father Chris & big brother Elijah.
I was heartbroken not to be able to be there - but my heart swells to think of that little girl, my first niece. And I can hardly believe that my brother is now a father. And my parents are now grandparents. And my sister and I are aunts... aunts who will spoil that baby rotten.
Thinking about it makes me smile.
08 January, 2008
SISTER-IN-LAW
My very pregnant sister-in-law went into the hospital tonight to be induced. With any luck (and much hard work on her part!) there should be a new baby in our family soon!
I'm dedicating my time tonight to thinking of and praying for her.
She's a few years younger than me, married to my "little" brother, and already has an amazing 6-year-old boy (not to mention a full-time job as a nurse and aspirations of going back to school and getting another degree). I am truly in awe of her sometimes - our worlds are just so different. I am blessed to have her as part of my life.
I'd appreciate it if you'd take a moment to offer up prayers or blessings or thoughts to whatever Higher Power or Self or God you believe in...
For a smooth delivery.
For a healthy baby.
For the mother.
For a new father!
For an excited big brother.
For an abundance of LOVE each step of the way.
I'm dedicating my time tonight to thinking of and praying for her.
She's a few years younger than me, married to my "little" brother, and already has an amazing 6-year-old boy (not to mention a full-time job as a nurse and aspirations of going back to school and getting another degree). I am truly in awe of her sometimes - our worlds are just so different. I am blessed to have her as part of my life.
I'd appreciate it if you'd take a moment to offer up prayers or blessings or thoughts to whatever Higher Power or Self or God you believe in...
For a smooth delivery.
For a healthy baby.
For the mother.
For a new father!
For an excited big brother.
For an abundance of LOVE each step of the way.
07 January, 2008
BALANCING ACT
I've just spent the last few hours desperately trying to balance my checkbook after the holidays. Somehow during that time of love & festivities & happiness my money always seems to disappear (even if I get more of it as a gift, it never quite replenishes what I've already spent).
The "Type A" in me loves to reconcile my bank statements with my personal accounting software (yes, yes - I'm a nerd at heart). And I think my astrologically-inclined friends would agree that the Libra in me loves when everything balances out.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
That's not so easy with all the other areas of life: fairness in your work environment, equal ground in friendships & relationships... I even struggle with reconciling what my tastebuds want to eat with what my brain knows I really should be eating.
Perhaps that's why I love that little balance sheet so much. There's always an answer. Always a reason why something isn't adding up or working out the way it's supposed to. And it's usually as simple as those daily coffees & diet cokes I haven't kept track of (which can add up to much more than any human being should ever spend on beverages). But, hey - at least I can figure that one out!
The "Type A" in me loves to reconcile my bank statements with my personal accounting software (yes, yes - I'm a nerd at heart). And I think my astrologically-inclined friends would agree that the Libra in me loves when everything balances out.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
That's not so easy with all the other areas of life: fairness in your work environment, equal ground in friendships & relationships... I even struggle with reconciling what my tastebuds want to eat with what my brain knows I really should be eating.
Perhaps that's why I love that little balance sheet so much. There's always an answer. Always a reason why something isn't adding up or working out the way it's supposed to. And it's usually as simple as those daily coffees & diet cokes I haven't kept track of (which can add up to much more than any human being should ever spend on beverages). But, hey - at least I can figure that one out!
06 January, 2008
REASSURANCE
Lately I've been experiencing a need for a little reassurance. A friend of mine saw my new apartment the other day - she's the only one who's seen it other than me - and even though I knew that it was a great space and will be a wonderful haven for me, it was still encouraging to hear that she liked it, too. I'm taking on many projects at work - things that I've never done before - and although I have enough confidence in myself to believe that I will accomplish them, it's nice to hear from my co-workers that I'm doing a good job. I'm walking a new path in my relationship - and as I'm trying to be more independent and self-reliant, it is quite lovely (and seemingly necessary!) to get a simple kiss or thoughtful compliment.
A little reassurance - that's all.
And I know I can't possibly be the only one who feels that way. It makes me realize that all of us need that encouragement, even if it's just every once in a while, even if most of the time we seem totally put together, and especially in those times when we're just putting on the "oh-no-I'm-fine-everything's-fine" face because we're afraid of needing it.
It's a little thing. But it can make a big difference.
A little reassurance - that's all.
And I know I can't possibly be the only one who feels that way. It makes me realize that all of us need that encouragement, even if it's just every once in a while, even if most of the time we seem totally put together, and especially in those times when we're just putting on the "oh-no-I'm-fine-everything's-fine" face because we're afraid of needing it.
It's a little thing. But it can make a big difference.
05 January, 2008
A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY
When you look up the phrase "a little each day" in the IMAGES section of the Google Search, there are an incredible amount of links that appear.
Just look at some of the things you can do "a little each day"...
Groove
Draw
Work Harder
Read To Your Child
Laugh
Clean Your Home
Exercise
Get Outside
Pay Back A Loan
Apply Hair Growth Lotion
Relax
Play a Game
Heal
What little thing will you do more of today?
Just look at some of the things you can do "a little each day"...
Groove
Draw
Work Harder
Read To Your Child
Laugh
Clean Your Home
Exercise
Get Outside
Pay Back A Loan
Apply Hair Growth Lotion
Relax
Play a Game
Heal
What little thing will you do more of today?
04 January, 2008
NORMAL DAY
Sometimes (probably more often than not) nothing extraordinary happens in my day. No big events, no drama at work, no winning lottery tickets.
Sometimes it's just a normal day. Cup of coffee, office humor, subway ride home.
Sometimes I have a night as simple & enjoyable as this: good friendship, bad movies, red wine, and a game of Scrabble (even if it is the online version instead of the wonderfully wooden original).
Sometimes those turn out to be the best nights anyway.
Sometimes it's just a normal day. Cup of coffee, office humor, subway ride home.
Sometimes I have a night as simple & enjoyable as this: good friendship, bad movies, red wine, and a game of Scrabble (even if it is the online version instead of the wonderfully wooden original).
Sometimes those turn out to be the best nights anyway.
03 January, 2008
... IS BLISS
I'm not sure why the songs from INTO THE WOODS are inspiring my blog, but tonight while I was talking with my mom I found myself humming...
"Isn't it nice to know a lot?
And a little bit not."
Ignorance is bliss. Isn't that what they say? Sometimes it's definitely easier to take that route - to choose not knowing. To choose bliss. It doesn't involve any difficult decision-making (which for us Libras can be a tricky thing!) and we can get along with less responsibility that way. But are we really better off?
Knowing more about things, objects, ideas is only half of it. That's just good ol' education. But knowing more about people is when it can get complicated. Choosing to love a person not only for all the good things you know about them, but also when you know all the fears, the doubts, the limitations - that takes a lot more work. It's harder - sure. And perhaps there will be difficult decisions to make and greater responsibility. But I believe it's well worth the effort.
And you know, with the right perspective, knowledge can be blissful, too.
"Isn't it nice to know a lot?
And a little bit not."
Ignorance is bliss. Isn't that what they say? Sometimes it's definitely easier to take that route - to choose not knowing. To choose bliss. It doesn't involve any difficult decision-making (which for us Libras can be a tricky thing!) and we can get along with less responsibility that way. But are we really better off?
Knowing more about things, objects, ideas is only half of it. That's just good ol' education. But knowing more about people is when it can get complicated. Choosing to love a person not only for all the good things you know about them, but also when you know all the fears, the doubts, the limitations - that takes a lot more work. It's harder - sure. And perhaps there will be difficult decisions to make and greater responsibility. But I believe it's well worth the effort.
And you know, with the right perspective, knowledge can be blissful, too.
02 January, 2008
MOMENT PRESENT
I just had a lovely late night conversation with a very good friend of mine. I feel that the two of us are always most inspiring to each other either first thing in the morning or just before bedtime. Tonight's chat kept coming back to the reoccurring theme of patience... and how we both might need a little more of it in our own lives.
I'm constantly thinking about the future and planning and figuring out what to do next. It's a trait that I get (no doubt) from my mom (who's 25 years older than me, sleeps 4 hours a night at best and has double my energy). But sometimes I get so caught up in making a plan that I neglect to cherish the moment that's happening right now.
Enter: the need for more patience.
Perhaps if I'm willing to enjoy this day, this hour, this minute... then before I know it, it will be the future and I'll have enjoyed every minute getting there, instead of worrying about what it holds for me.
Sondheim may have beat me to the punch.
"Best to take the moment present
as a present for the moment."
I'm constantly thinking about the future and planning and figuring out what to do next. It's a trait that I get (no doubt) from my mom (who's 25 years older than me, sleeps 4 hours a night at best and has double my energy). But sometimes I get so caught up in making a plan that I neglect to cherish the moment that's happening right now.
Enter: the need for more patience.
Perhaps if I'm willing to enjoy this day, this hour, this minute... then before I know it, it will be the future and I'll have enjoyed every minute getting there, instead of worrying about what it holds for me.
Sondheim may have beat me to the punch.
"Best to take the moment present
as a present for the moment."
01 January, 2008
NEW BEGINNINGS
This New Year is the first in quite a while that I've actually felt the "new-ness". For me, 2008 will bring a new apartment, a new position at work, a new direction in my relationship, a renewal of many old friendships, and a renewal of my spirituality. Some of these things have been in the works for the past few months... but now that it's the first day of a new year, I feel as though it's all just beginning.
It's often a struggle for me to embrace the new - when I've already become so attached to the old. The familiar is always so comforting, so easy, so... well, familiar.
This year I'll be focusing on the joys of new things - those that happen to me and those that I create. And these daily thoughts will be a starting point for all that is to come. I hope to share my love, my struggles, my faith, my life... a little each day.
It's often a struggle for me to embrace the new - when I've already become so attached to the old. The familiar is always so comforting, so easy, so... well, familiar.
This year I'll be focusing on the joys of new things - those that happen to me and those that I create. And these daily thoughts will be a starting point for all that is to come. I hope to share my love, my struggles, my faith, my life... a little each day.
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