FIREY DANCE

Over the weekend, I had a short discussion with someone that left a lingering impression on me.

There is definitely much to be said for trying to stay calm and steady and stress-free in every situation. It is a goal that I am ever-striving to achieve (and some days I feel I do reach that goal).

But what about the importance of letting yourself really feel those negative emotions that creep up every once in a while? While letting go of anger and hurt and sorrow seems like a noble idea, it's not so easy if you never actually take the time to honor and recognize those troublesome feelings.

I find that sometimes when I fool myself into believing that I've forgiven the one who's hurt me and let go of the pain, that's exactly when it rises up in me again - taunting me and dancing a firey dance around my heart, letting me know that it's still there in all its awful glory.

And boy is it worse the second time around. And the third. And so on - until I get the courage to confront that pain (or even more agonizing, the person who caused the pain!) and really get things off my chest, out of my heart.

Only then can I truly return to the pursuit of a peaceful daily life.
Only then can I honestly move on to the fullness of forgiveness... and particularly forgiving myself (for some of those pains are self-inflicted).

And for me, forgiving myself is always the hardest.