BABY MAMA

I'd venture to guess that almost everyone who reads this blog already knows about my baby news... and for those that don't: I'm gonna be a mama. A mother. Mom. Mommy. This is news I've lived with for several weeks now - and this morning at church, I finally had my first insecurities about whether or not I will be a good mother.

Now, I have wanted to be a mother ever since I can remember. My childhood was spent bossing around my younger siblings (sorry guys!), my teen years were filled with a calendar of babysitting dates in-between rehearsals and theatre interests, summer jobs in college included being a preschool teacher, and for the first 2 years living in New York I had the privilege of being a nanny. Whenever supervisors would ask what my 5 year plan was, it hardly ever focused on career or money or where I wanted to be... but ALWAYS included starting a family and becoming a mom.

And when I found out that my 5 year plan was coming sooner than expected (!) I was nothing but quite sure that I'd be a wonderful mother. When talking it over with my loving partner, when telling my family the news, when reading the birthing books, when going to the OB appointments, when laughing with my friends, when discussing it at work... at all times I was ever-confident in (ever-excited about) my mothering capabilities.

This morning in church, however, I had a moment of blurred vision (literally, as my eyes brimmed with tears). I had a sudden doubt about whether I'd be able to raise my child - and raise him/her well - in the ways of faith. The many worries I had in that hour of church deserve a blog post of their own... whew!