ONE DINNER, TWO GIRLS

Tonight was "Ladies' Night" at our home.  Dad had to work late, so G & I were on our own... and for the first time, we shared a dinner.  We had couscous with sauteed zucchini, beets, and slices of apple.  And G ate a little bit of each thing - like a champ.  It was a nice glimpse of things ahead, when making one meal for the whole family to share will become a nightly ritual.

MY 30TH YEAR

A reflection on my 30th year as I embark on my 31st... whew!

Around the time I was turning the big 3-0, I saw the first "photo" of my daughter.  She was in the womb, hand in front of her face, but it still melted my heart.  I helped to open a new musical in a 62-seat theatre.  And I celebrated with my big day with this guy.  This guy.  And this guy.

The next month was a whirlwind of childbirth classes, getting on our first wait list for a day care we didn't end up using, I stumbled across my favorite pregnancy cartoon, and we had a beautiful celebration in Ohio for all of my family and friends to meet the amazing man I love and to send good wishes to my soon-to-be-born baby girl... oh, and Thanksgiving dinner was delicious.


Then there was the purchase of our first Christmas tree together, and a pre-natal massage (SO GOOD), and a surprise baby shower at work; we graduated from childbirth school feeling almost prepared, we saw Avatar, and I woke up on Christmas morning not in my childhood home as I had the previous 29 years, but in my own home, away from my family... and with new/more members of family.

After the new year, I finally made it to "full term" and the Braxton Hicks were in full force; we re-covered a car seat, we found the god-send day care superhero Mary Anne, and I had my last day at work before my maternity leave began; I was invited to join a Moms Blog and write from the perspective of a new mother in NYC... which was, conveniently, just before my laptop died.  And our due date for our baby girl came and went.

The day before Groundhog Day, our incredible daughter was born.  And less than a week later, she watched her first Superbowl, cheering on the Saints.  She met her Grammy & PopPi and then she met her Grandma & Papa... and we, as new parents, we so grateful to have our own parents there with us for those few weeks.

The next month, Aunt Allie & Uncle Kyle visited and so did Aunt Meghann.  I discovered a few international bloggers I enjoyed and Baby G slept through the night for the first time.  And then I began - slowly - to return to work.

April showers brought May flowers and spring was upon us - we got engaged on Easter morning (what a rebirth indeed!) and branded ourselves with a logo.  My writing was picking up, as I reformatted my blog and went to my first blogger event (coming away with a bunch of "swag").  Then just a few months after I joined, the NYC Moms Blog ended and I joined a new "book review" group called From Left to Write - in an effort not to lose all "adult" conversation after becoming a mama. 

On June 18th we had a ceremony to mark our wedding; on June 20th we had a ceremony to mark our baby's baptism.  It could not have been a more perfect weekend.

At the end of the summer, we drove up to Vermont and spent a weekend with family... where G started to "bunny hop" (her first motion toward crawling) and went "swimming" for the first time.  We also started reading books like this and this, effectively upending our life of ignorant bliss and starting us on a journey of "locavorism" and sanctioning factory farms. 

As my favorite season of autumn came back around, I learned to ask for help from a husband (and a daughter) who has become more dear to me every day.  I'm still struggling to finish up thank you notes from our wedding, the baptism, and even some from pre-natal baby showers (you've got one year, isn't that right?)!  Work has been busy for both of us parents, and Baby G spends 5 days a week at a delightful day care (where they must sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" every morning because it's by far her favorite song right now).

And these are only the blessings I wrote down!  There are so many more... and I am grateful for each one.  Not sure how year 31 could get any better.  And it doesn't need to - I'll just enjoy the goods I've got :)

THE SPACE BETWEEN

Our wedding was just lovely.

When the-perfection-of-the-planning met the-honesty-of-real-life, the kinds of memories that defined it as our wedding were made.  The unity candle that wouldn't stay lit because of the nice breeze.  The bride who interrupted the final song because she wanted to make a few announcements.  The adorable daughter who fell asleep halfway through the photos. 

These are the things that we'll remember; these are the stories we'll tell to that sleepy daughter someday.  And now we have one more story to add to the list:  our wedding thank-you notes.  We spent a long time procrastinating figuring out exactly what we wanted our stationary to look like.  Should we have only our first names?  Should we have a monogram?  Should we have just the initial of our last name?  One line or two lines?  Uppercase or lower? So many options - truthfully it was a bit overwhelming.  So we decided on both of our full names; and we chose a simple silver accent color, with engraved lettering.  The proof online looked absolutely perfect.  And I loved it.

Cut to about a week later when we received the small, heavy box with note cards and envelopes.  I open the box with anticipation, the perfection of the online order in my head... only to find the real life version looking like this*:

JOHN ANDREW SMITH&JANE MARIE DOE SMITH

Long story short - we decided to chalk it up to just another one of those quirky things that we'll remember years later with a laugh.  Really nice card stock.  Shiny silver border.  And no space before or after the "&" sign.  The perfectionist in me finds it a bit hard to believe that I'll actually be laughing at this in the future... but if someone told me 2 years ago that my life would be what it is today, I'd have found that hard to believe as well.  Anything is possible.

* Names changed to protect the innocent.

MAKE THE ASK

Sometimes my husband is wise beyond his years.  The other night we were having a good conversation about making sure we continue to communicate with each other as best as we are able; we're usually very good at this - communicating - but on this particular night, a deep rooted habit of mine was getting in the way: the fear of being a "nag". 

I am my mother's daughter.  99% of the time, I put others' needs, others' joys, others' wants ahead of my own - I'm a people pleaser.  And quite often, doing something to make another person happy in turn makes me happy.  But there is a time when this habit can get in my own way: when I need help.  Mostly, I'm not very good at asking for help.  I multi-task.  I cook almost every night (even when my beau offers to make something).  I don't even use the intern at work for much - I make my own copies, reconcile my own bills, do my own filing.  Somewhere along the line, I began to think that asking for help - asking someone else to do something I could probably handle on my own - was naggish, was whiny, was just not me.  I'm the people pleaser!  I'm the do-er! 

As we may very well have learned from Dubya, ("I'm the decider!") sometimes it's best to ask others for help instead of thinking you can handle everything yourself.

Maybe all I needed was someone to tell me it's okay to ask for help.  Just make the ask.  And when you do, perhaps you'll get what you need.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

VEG-HEAD

For several years now, I've been toying with the idea of vegetarianism (and more recently, veganism).  After reading Fast Food Nation and watching Food, Inc. and turning the last few pages of Eating Animals, those toying thoughts are cementing themselves into my brain and turning into actions.  I'm learning more about the food industry as a whole and it makes me frustrated.  I'm feeling inspired by people I know who are veg-heads like my good friend and my sister (who hasn't eaten meat since 4th grade!).  I'm discussing the details of family meals with my husband as we decide how to raise our daughter and whether or not we want to feed her the antibiotic-and-hormone-filled, inhumanely killed animal products that are so hard to get away from in our culture.  And I know it will be a challenge.

One of the recent conversations I had about this idea of not eating meat resulted in this comment from a woman I know & respect... she said she couldn't be a vegetarian because "God wants us to eat meat."  Now, that one took me by surprise.  Of all the things I expected to come up when talking to people about seriously considering a non-meat-eating lifestyle, (Where will you get your protein? What will you eat at thanksgiving? Won't you ever buy your daughter a happy meal?) beginning a discussion about what the Bible says was one I didn't see coming. 
 
Now, pulling quotes from the Bible can be a dangerous game.  I personally do not believe that this work of literature should be a literal rulebook of DOs and DON'Ts, but instead perhaps, as many of the stories it contains, a parable reminding us on the whole to live by that Golden Rule.  There always seems to be a one-for-one in the Bible.  A vegetarian can site Genesis 1:29, "Behold I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food" as the a vote for not eating meat; and in the same book, only a few chapters later, a fervent omnivore could retaliate with Genesis 9:3, "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you; and as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything." And it's not just how we should eat that can be debated within these pages, it's everything from homosexuality to marriage to child-rearing to giving money to the church to how the world will end.  And the debates can be funny or serious or thought-provoking.

So many things to consider when one is making a decision about food - it affects more aspects of our life than a first glance might lead us to believe.

THIS THING CALLED LOVE (From Left to Write - Book Club)

"I just can't have you calling it adrenaline, when it was love.  It was love.  Big love.  And I've held onto it all these years..."


- THE STUFF THAT NEVER HAPPENED
by Maddie Dawson

The word "love" is so slippery sometimes.  I've heard it said, (because there is so much of it?) that Eskimos have 26 different words for snow... and I often think we humans - with our complicated emotions, jealousies, desires, hubris - need at least double that many words for love.  Those four simple letters, two vowels, two consonants... well, they just don't seem big enough to hold all the meaning inside.  All the hurt.  All the joy.  And all the confusion.

Like all feelings - sorrow, happiness, fear - love is beyond verbal definition.  How do you know you're happy?  You know when you feel it.  How do you know you're in love?  You just know.  Or do you?

The love that we're so sure of in high school can turn out to be merely a path toward discovering your sexuality.  The love that we're so sure of in college can turn out to be a stumbling toward figuring out where you will most easily be accepted.  The love that we're so sure of in our mid-twenties can turn out to be an attempt to make a statement of what our life should be, grasping whatever (or whoever) is nearest that we think might fit that vision.

And always, in the moment of love or of passion or of wanting-to-be-wanted, we think "This is it.  This time must be the real deal."  And often, with the bittersweet weight of hindsight, we think "Ah. Well.  Suppose that wasn't the it I thought it was."

“Quod me netrit me destruit.”
("What nourishes me also destroys me.") 

Love can, at times, feel like a drug - pushing us to the limit, allowing us to soar higher than the heavens and then, just as quickly, tossing us like a ragdoll onto the cold, hard pavement and driving us deep into those dark depths... and yet it is amazing how quickly and how readily we are willing to pick up the torch again and begin forging another path through its jungle.


For more quotes collected from this book, visit Borrowing Wisdom.

Disclosure: This post was inspired by THE STUFF THAT NEVER HAPPENED by Maddie Dawson. I received a copy of this book to read and discuss as a member of From Left to Write.   The thoughts and opinions expressed above are my own.  Click here to purchase your own copy of this book.