12 September, 2009


Why is it that of all the things my partner and I have been through over the past months, the idea of combining our finances seems to be one thing that causes the most apprehension? Getting together was exciting, moving into our apartment was a thrill, knowing that we're having a baby together has been nothing short of daily happiness and anticipation...

But tonight, as we had a long and detailed discussion of how to begin combining our finances, I suddenly felt my heart beating in my chest - and I got a little nervous! It wasn't a fear of things not working out or the complications that can come with joining together multiple bank accounts... I think it was the fear of money - and the profit (or more realistically, the debt!) that surrounds that money.

No one talks about money - my family certainly didn't discuss how much of it we had or didn't have while I was growing up; my friends and I dance around the subject not really feeling comfortable discussing whether or not we got that raise we wanted and for how much; and my partner and I really didn't discuss it either... until tonight.

There's the notion of who has a bigger salary, who has more debt, what bills you consider "required" and what you consider "discretionary", figuring out how much your joint monthly income is and what your joint monthly expenses are... and then, there's actually putting a system in place to voluntarily SHARE those incomes and expenses. To say what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours...

I suppose they're just different parts of the same whole: joining your heart & head; and then - with or without trepidation - your money. Profits and debts included.


  1. i can honestly say that, despite caring about each other endlessly, and having everything *else* worked out, figuring out finances has been by far the most stressful thing for mike and me.

    hang in there! =)

    and dont worry, the most important thing is that you're feeling well. other things have a way of working themselves out.

    much love.


  2. ryan and i still have separate accounts in addition to the joint one. we put rent in the joint and work out the rest separately. it's been working out so far...3 years and counting;) other people think we're nuts though! whatever works for you is what i say.

  3. I had that same reaction 14 years ago when Shane and I first pooled our resources. And I wondered, too, why I would have no problem sharing my life, my soul, and my future with this person but still get a little freaked out about joint bank accounts.

    But as others have said . . . everything seems to find a way of working out. I'm so happy for you!