31 May, 2009


We are always in motion.  As much as we may want the superpower of being able to stop time and relish a particular moment of joy - or postpone a moment for which we think we may not be ready - the motion of life keeps going, keeps moving you along, regardless of how much we prepare.  

In a city where the subway swiftly & surely defies traffic to get you where you need to go, where it's common and almost necessary to move apartments on an annual basis, where there are a billion bustling people coming and going every day... especially in this city, the motion is palpable.

In a life where the responsibilities of love and work and family and friends are always present and constantly swirling in your mind and your heart, where events come at you without warning at warp speed, where the universe is deciding things for you before you even have a chance to consider them... especially in this life, the motion is thick with energy.

As we've said to ourselves since childhood, head against a tree, trying not to peek at what may be hiding right around the corner:  Ready or not.  Here I come.


I am in love with Pixar.  I'd like to start a Pixar collection.  Every single one of their movies that I've seen is amazing - the animation is awesome, the characters are so interesting and well-defined, and the best part is always the story: inventive, sweet without being too sentimental, and ORIGINAL.  In these days of jukebox Broadway musicals and remakes of TV shows, it is encouraging to know that at least Pixar will consistently bring new & wonderful things to the world of entertainment.  Go see UP.

30 May, 2009


Some of my favorites from David Giffels' completely charming book ALL THE WAY DOWN, Building A Family In A Falling Down House:

* Realizing how little you actually know: that's the key to growing up.  Humility comes last, and never easily, and sometimes not at all.

* I was trying to understand us as a family even as we were actively changing...

* I had, as I always do in these situations, asked my dad if this was possible, and he had, as he generally does in response, done nothing to dampen my enthusiasm.  Anything's possible. This is what good fathers tell their children.

* Growing up is the process of imitating who you think you're becoming.

* She could have married for anything she wanted.  But she'd married for love, and this is the sort of sweet trouble that comes from that decision... it leads them into the thick of disorder with only each other to find a way out.

* An attic above, for the mind, and a cellar below, for the soul.

* There are few more deeply intimate relationship in human life than marriage.  A marriage is, after all, not two separate people coexisting, but rather one unit comprised of two formerly separate unites, just as water is something distinctly different from hydrogen and oxygen.

* If you give the wind a name, do you control it?  No.  Of course not.  This is the hubris of the human race.

* It's in the most mundane truths: that life goes on, that plans are for fools, that children grow up too fast.

* This is what it means to be a family; this is what it means to be home. To be complete in a place that will always be unfinished.

29 May, 2009


"The will of God will never take you
where the grace of God will not protect you."



Today's challenge:

+ Long-Time-Twice-My-Age-Producer
+ Me
Intense Conversation About The Budget

I'm trying not to let any pride swell my head, as my boss has trusted me with handling this tricky meeting all on my own. And I'm also trying to convince myself I can live up to that trust and come through successfully!

Perhaps the night out ahead with delicious BBQ and good friends will be a sweet reward to the end of what looks to be a challenging day.


28 May, 2009


Sometimes it's difficult to accept when a friend - especially a good friend - isn't 100% on board with a new development in your life that makes you happy. When you're excited about something, it seems only natural to desire a similar excitement from those with whom you share it. And when you get a cautious reaction, a hesitation, it can pop your proverbial balloon quickly and without warning. The faith can be there, both from you and your friend, that they will eventually accept the inevitable future... but that waiting can feel like torture. And the notion that everyone moves at different paces - both as we're experiencing new things in ourselves and as we're trying to embrace new things in our friends' lives - is a good one to remember.

25 May, 2009


"Life is not perfect. It never will be.
You just have to make the very best of it.
And you have to open your heart
to what the world can show you.
And sometimes it's terrifying.
And sometimes it's incredibly beautiful.
And I'll take both, thanks."


24 May, 2009


Anyone who knows me - even a little bit - knows how important a role spirituality has in my life, in who I am, and in who I want to become.

I am blessed beyond measure to believe in Something Bigger. That belief started as a seed planted by my parents, grew with my own knowledge and faith, continued to expand as family and friends shared their beliefs... and I now have seeds of my own to plant - fruit from the Tree, rooted in a Love that passes all understanding.

Oh sure, there have been seasons when the growth was hardly noticeable or even completely dormant. But that tiny ember which can reignite the fire was never fully extinguished, (thank goodness!) and that firey belief is now full of warmth and comfort.

To have faith in Something Bigger than just yourself - whether it is Family, Love, God - is incredibly powerful. And to have the chance to share that faith in Something Bigger with someone other than just yourself - someone who is Family and Love - is nothing short of a miracle.

23 May, 2009


Again, TT! You are a beautiful writer and I love this sentiment. Thank you for your inspiration and for your words.

When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is small talk about music or TV or work or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. In my life, I want both conversations to be true. That is, I am supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange between myself and someone else, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. I have learned if you talk to people with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everyone around you.

20 May, 2009


It is an incredible thing to recognize your love for a person growing deeper as you witness them loving someone else.  To see them, to hear them giving someone else support; to learn more about them from what words they choose to soothe that other person's fears; to be reassured in what you already knew about them as you listen to that calm, patient voice calm someone else.  In. Credible.


Thank you, TT - for this awesome reminder!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."



This is the new show at Roundabout's Laura Pels Theatre. We're loading in today (so it's really happening). The theatre will be busting at the seams with turntables, a huge cast, over 50 costumes, some wigs, live music, a "pit" in one of the dressing rooms, 3 giant periactoids, and the Maple Leaf Rag.


17 May, 2009


Had a glimpse this weekend of another kind of life: one with houses and yards, with children and dinner parties, with celebratory events and drives around the neighborhood... with family.

14 May, 2009


An inpiring speech - almost akin to a homily of sorts - from my director for our first rehearsal today... particularly when he said that he looks for "the possibilities of finding beauty in loss".

Preach it to the congregation, brother.


It was a beautiful experience to watch this... with a loving and supportive crowd, with the pride and enjoyment on the faces of those performing, and with a kindred soul next to me - smiling and laughing. The sense of community was wonderful! And the chance to watch someone you care about doing something they love is nothing short of a gift.

13 May, 2009


"With great success comes great responsibility."

I'm usually pretty good with quotes... but I'm not sure who said this, nor am I sure that this is the actual quote. Regardless, I was thinking about this idea recently and this was the saying that kept creeping into my mind. To feel that you have a responsibility to those around you, and even the world, to return the favor, to share the wealth... especially in those times when you are particularly wealthy.

And I don't necessarily mean monetarily (although I do feel that is what the original intention of the quote was). I also mean when you have a wealth of knowledge, and you are responsible to help educate others. Or when you have a wealth of opportunity, and you are responsible to open any doors you might be able to open - even a crack - for those around you who might not have those opportunities, or might not see them. And when you have a wealth of happiness. Especially then.

When you are almost to the point of bubbling over with the joys of life there is simultaneously a feeling, a need to spread that wealth. To not be so selfish as to keep all of that happiness to yourself, but to open your arms wide to the world and rush forward with nothing but smiles. This is the responsibility I feel now. The responsibility to not be selfish. And the responsibility to share with as many people as I can the incredible joys.


10 May, 2009


I love talking through the plan for the week on Sunday nights. I like having a plan (even if it changes at the last minute)... I just like having it. And I like going over the plan out loud. It's reassuring, comforting, and makes me feel like I have a handle on things (even if that's not really true). The plan for this coming week is intense. There is a LOT going on. And all of it is great.

What I'm learning is that even though there are good things happening, it can still feel a bit overwhelming and stressful. A Jam, a first rehearsal, a reading, a friend's show, a car rental, a weekend road trip, a dinner with a new dress, a fancy horse-race complete with fancy hat, a final performance, a closing night party...

I'll need to remind myself this week to take each day, each moment as it comes. To be present, to be present, to be present.

09 May, 2009


I'm not sure why I get so nervous for things that I know are going to turn out just fine. But I do. It's nothing new - but it's a sensation that I've become very familiar with recently... the anticipation of a night out or a dinner with friends or even a conversation at work, and if I'm idle for too long before it happens, my stomach starts to flutter and I find myself having to breath more deeply in those few minutes of free time. Oh, nerves! Wherever do you come from?

07 May, 2009


It is an eye-opening thing to be humbled. I often feel that I am great at my job. I often KNOW that I am great at my job. And I every so often, I let those feelings get the better of me... which is usually right about when something or someone barges in to remind me that I still have a lot of learning to do.

My first reaction is to get defensive (a primitive reaction) and I can feel my breath quicken and my pulse begin to race. Luckily there's usually a wonderful filter that keeps me from saying anything too immediately - and I'm able to perk up my ears and listen to the advice being given.

A list that has served me well - and will continue to do so:

A) Listen
B) React

The other way around usually causes more problems than it's worth. And a small bruise to the ego, plus increased knowledge of self and of my job, is a small price to pay to become a better manager.

06 May, 2009


What a beautiful sensation it is to feel as though something is brand new and also comfortably old. A statement that can be made of the best dresses, budding friendships, a particularly fabulous pair of jeans, more-than-friendships, and really good books.

05 May, 2009


A few choice quotes from Daniel Quinn's ISHMAEL:

* Five fingers to not make a hand.
* To a mind ready for mythology, he was the beginning of what is meant by godlike. He had twice made a brief appearance in my life – and twice, with a single utterance, had transformed me.
* He began to speak to me as one speaks to the wind or to the waves crashing on a beach, uttering that which must be said but which must not be heard by anyone.
* Mere acquaintanceship leaves me unsatisfied, and few people are willing to accept the burdens and risks of friendship.
* If you are still then you will be better able to hear.
* He looked at me as if I were a roach he was sure he’d killed a week ago.
* I see what you’re getting at… it isn’t the tale you tell that counts, it’s the way you actually live.
* That’s not good enough. The fact that something is not a waste of time does not inspire me to do it.
* I let it go. What the hell, he knew what I was trying to say.
* Someone else would have handled it differently, probably better, revealing a greater heart, a finer sensibility.
* To call it daunting is like calling the Atlantic damp.


02 May, 2009


This morning, I remembered this thought on marriage that a beautiful woman wrote to me a while back... I want to love like this:

I hope that you don't ever give up on your idea of fairy tale love.  I don't think that it happens for everybody, but I do know that it *can* happen.  When I met my husband it was like the universe split apart and something reached out to me and touched me and just nodded, and that was it.  There was no doubt in my mind that he was the person that I wanted to be with forever.  But I also agree that thoughtlessness can kill any love and that you have to make the choice to love the person you're with every single day.  When I woke up yesterday morning, I immediately said to him, "It has been the greatest honor of my life just to know you and to be able to love you," and I meant it with every fiber of my being.  I think that you have to cultivate and maintain that deep, conscious level of respect.  I obviously don't always live up to the person that I want to be for Shane, but I try, and I think it's the willingness to keep trying that is the crux of any successful relationship.

One other note.  I think that life can be hard, and it can be cruel and dispiriting, so I want to be a soft place for him.  I want to be a source of endless support.  I let him know that I believe in him, that I adore him, that, to me, he's the most important person in the world.  Perhaps that sounds old-fashioned or even anti-feminist, but I don't think it's about gender at all, and besides, he does the same for me.  I think that when you find your partner, it's essentially your job to be their soft place in the world, similar to what you would be for a child.  Everybody needs that, even us grown-ups.


What a beautiful thing it is to wake up without an agenda. Without an alarm, with the birds lightly chirping, with the sun sneaking into the room.  It feels incredibly freeing... as if the possibilities are endless.