30 June, 2008


I'm not a late night gal, but lately I've been exploring what it's like to be one... and although the train ride home is a lot longer, and the mornings require a bit more coffee - it's really fun!

This week alone there was the cool band night at the Mercury Lounge, a quarter-century birthday party, karaoke at Stout for a good friend's bon voyage, and an impromptu date to see this guy's live comedy act.

Next up...
College friends' night out
Coney Island hot dog eating contest
Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
Final dress for a Broadway show

I'm in demand, people.

27 June, 2008


Since accepting my new job, several people have congratulated me... but only a select few have said, "I'm proud of you."

And no - they were not all related to me.

It is a strange and wonderful thing for someone who is not your parent or your boss or in a position of authority say those four words to you. It is especially wonderful when those words come from your peers; people your own age (or younger than you!) who express those feelings of pride.

I think I like numbers 4 and 6 the best.

  1. Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, possession, quality, or relationship by which one measures one's stature or self-worth: proud of one's child; proud to serve one's country.
  2. Feeling or showing justifiable self-respect.
  3. Filled with or showing excessive self-esteem.
  4. Of great dignity; honored: a proud name.
  5. Majestic; magnificent: proud alpine peaks.
  6. Spirited. Used of an animal: proud steeds.


General Manager.
Manager of things in general.
Generally managing things.

That's what I'll be doing here.
At this theatre.
Working with some amazing new people.
And sadly, leaving some amazing people, too.

I have a big title now.
And a bigger responsibility.
And I'm up for all of it.
Especially since my name gets to be on the posters.

General Manager
Roundabout's Laura Pels Theatre

25 June, 2008


5 guys. 3 guitars. 1 bass. 1 drummer.
The music is their front man.

24 June, 2008


I feel compelled to write this - but I'm not sure it'll come out the way I want it to. So bear with me...

I have this friend (no, really - it's not me) and over the past 6 months or so, we've been talking about the hardships of relationships. I suppose we've become quite close because of these talks; we've shared some intimate & revealing details about ourselves and those we loved. Lately, the person my friend was dating (who did some unkind things) has been around more frequently - and I've realized that I don't like that person very much. I've never really been fond of that person. And I've always felt that they've not been too fond of me either.

So today I wondered: am I giving that person a fair shot? Or am I judging them because they've hurt my friend - in a way I know hurts very much, in a way that I wouldn't wish on anyone, in a way that doesn't break your heart so much as rips it in two.

And all of a sudden I feel fiercely protective of my friend. And I get angry that this person has the guts to come around and act as if everything is fine. And when I start to ponder why I feel this way... I think I'm more angry at them for not knowing, not cherishing this amazing gift they have before them. And instead, pulling my friend through the mud that cakes the road between past relationships and possible friendships ahead.


23 June, 2008


As humans, we get so attached to people.
And the longer you're with those people,
or that person,
the harder it is to say goodbye.

Why is that?
Why do we get so attached?
What are those emotions,
and how do they come to be?

Are we attached because those people
make us feel better about ourselves?
Make it easier to love ourselves,
because they are also validating that love?

It's difficult.
And it can be so overwhelming.
But if I had to choose between
a heart break
and a hard heart -
I'd choose the breaking.


I feel like it's been so long
since I've had a day off
that I barely know
what to do with myself
without a schedule
without a plan
without a to-do list

I need to learn
to remember
what it is
just to sit
just to be
just to relax

21 June, 2008


So there's this band.
And they play in New York.
One night only - cause they're on tour.
And your cousin's in the band.
And also a few kids you knew in high school.
(You even had a crush on one of them,
Cause he could play beautiful Debussy.)

So you go to the bar where they played.
And you've missed the set cause you had to work late.
But you love what you do, so you don't mind so much.
And it's really more that you wanna see them,
And treat them to a good time in your city.
Therefore the 1st round's on you.
And the second.

So you offer up your place to crash -
Since their plans are not so solid -
And they are called Houseguest after all.
And at 3:10 in the morning,
Your cozy jr. 1-bedroom apartment
Has exhausted and funny guys sprawled out all over.
Plus you.

So you offer your bed and your couch
And that poor excuse for an extra mattress that you have.
And they seem to like your place.
And they're very grateful - and they tell you so.
And the Debussy-playing one
Breaks out some blues on your piano.
And your "crush" comes flooding back.

So then finally, just before 4am,
Everyone is comfortable.
And within a few minutes, you hear their soft snores.
And you're so pleased you could spontaneously open your home,
And you are reminded how great it is to have people sleep over.
And especially when they're these people.
And you fall asleep smiling.

20 June, 2008


For the record, this is the SECOND blog I've helped to inspire. And I'm very proud. It's funny and cute (just like the blogger). The layout looks awfully similar to this one... but I suppose free blogging sites don't offer too many choices.
How many blogs have you inspired?

19 June, 2008


My first tech today.
Well, the first tech that I'm in charge of - just me.

(For those of you outside the theatrical lingo, "tech" is the longest day of your life during which you eat junk food and drink lots of coffee and make important decisions about money and art.)

So this one's for THE METAL CHILDREN - an interesting new play written & directed by Adam Rapp (bro of RENT's Anthony). I'm the Line Producer. Not only does that mean I get to put that fancy title on my resume, but that also means that I'm responsible for the budget. And therefore: important decisions about money and art.

I feel too young and too inexperienced to be telling Adam Rapp that he can't purchase a real head cheese for the show because $40 is too much to spend on a piece of meat (and is it really meat anyhow?) .

18 June, 2008


My cousin's in this weird, funny, talented band called Houseguest.
And they're playing in NYC this Friday night at Pianos on the lower east side of Manhattan.

Now, even though I'm not sure I'll be able to go...
and even though I live on the same small island...
but had to find out about it via myspace...

I'll still give a shout out to these great guys.

16 June, 2008


PBS is amazing. I've known this for a long time, but every once in a while the raw truth that I am able to see on public television makes me very proud.

"The worst kind of truths are the 'truths' you're taught, the things you think are 'true' but you learn later that they are not."

- This was a quote from a Mormon father, speaking about his previous beliefs on homosexuality - those that he learned from his church - and what he knows now that his gay son has opened his eyes.

"...that I had to stop crying, love him fiercely, and try to make this world a better place for him and people like him."

- From a mother who cried for days upon learning that her son is gay, and then came to this revelation after a whole night of prayer and tears on the bathroom floor.

"I never heard of Asian gay people. So when my daughter 'came out' I didn't even know what to say. I'm not a stupid woman, but I was ignorant and afraid."

It was so interesting to see these parents struggling with not only accepting their children as homosexual, but also coming out themselves in a way - to their neighbors, to their friends, to their faith community - who may be unwilling to accept them as well. Once the parents fully accepted their sons and daughters, they had to go through their own experiences of the ignorance and fear that many people have when it comes to this issue.

14 June, 2008


June 21st is the summer solstice. The longest day of the year.

Celebrate with "Mind Over Madness Yoga".

The slogan:

"Anyone can find tranquility on top of a mountain.
Can you find it in the middle of Times Square?"

Who's with me?


Went to the affordable art fair today...
But I didn't think it was so affordable!

There were 5" x 7" pieces there that were very cool and were they not $700 - $900 dollars, I may have bought one or two. The even more beautiful ones that could fill that big, blank space on my living room wall were more than I paid for this computer!!

Who decides what's an inflated price and what's reasonable? Who puts the price on art?

12 June, 2008

EITHER / OR (re-post)

Monday, September 3, 2007

I just finished reading two books on living out your dreams: GOD HAS A DREAM FOR YOUR LIFE by Shelia Walsh and THE ALCHEMIST by Paulo Coelho. The books differ in style, but give a similar message: belief in your self, belief in your dreams, belief in your ability to fully realize both.

Sunday night, having dreams on the brain, (so to speak) I walked into the nearest bank to use the ATM and the first thing I see when I open the door is an ad for the bank stating:“Stop dreaming & start doing.”I stared at that sign for what felt like five minutes – trying to reconcile that moment in my brain when I think I’ve finally got a handle on everything, and then am suddenly surprised by another reality.

Stop dreaming. Start doing. STOP dreaming.

I wondered why they had to be separate. Why was it either / or, and not both? And that made me think of other things in my life that feel like either / or…

Family / Career
Work / Fun
Dreams / Reality

I thought a lot about those things, things that seem to be opposites. Things we can’t seem to have together, but must choose between. And then I started to think about something that a pretty cool guy mentioned to me… there are opposites in each of us. Ideas, choices, beliefs that seem to be contrary, but when put together make us Who We Are.

We wouldn’t be Who We Are (or half as interesting) without that dichotomy.

Monday morning, still thinking about opposites, I walked into my personal bank to make a deposit and the first thing I see when I get off the elevator is an ad for the bank stating:“There’s a dream in each of us – let’s make it happen.”

Ah! There! Sunday night – one message. Monday morning – another. Opposites all around.
In both ads, the message is the same: dreaming alone isn’t enough, you also need action. To be truly fulfilled, it can’t be either dreaming or doing, it has to be both.


Who ever really knows how to give good advice when it comes to relationships and the subject of love? What can any of us offer to someone who's hurting other than our own personal experiences in comparison... and every relationship, every person is different... so our offerings don't really count as advice of what they should do in their situation - just what we've done.

And when a person you love so much comes to you with the pains of their own life, because of the person they love so much, it's all you can do not to feel that pain yourself. The things you can offer seem useless - saying "I know" and "I'm sorry" aren't enough. And when you're far away there's an even greater feeling of helplessness.

So I'm praying for wisdom - in knowing what to say and how to say it, to both of them. And I'm resting in the comfort that those who are near to them will offer the embrace that I cannot.

11 June, 2008


There is a pretty cool guy I know.
And he is a pretty amazing composer.

He's got a musical in the works.
And I can't wait to hear more of his talent.

So I'm going to his cabaret at Don't Tell Mama's.
And maybe you should, too.

10 June, 2008


To have to make a decision between something good and something else good. What a nice "problem" to have!

To first think that perhaps you're in line for one thing, and to be purely satisfied with just that one thing. And then to be offered another thing. A different thing. That's just as good. Maybe better. Does that put you between a rock and an easy place? A choice still has to be made. A choosing of one over the other. And even though they're both good, they're not the same. Which is more appealing? Which is more challenging? Which do you prefer?

Oh! And there are so many different factors, sides, things to think about!

But how humbling and amazing to be in this position...

09 June, 2008


So lovely to have people you love visit you.

Even (and especially) when you still love them 20-some years later.

08 June, 2008


Whenever something significant happens in my life, I try to discover:
"What am I supposed to learn from this?"

When the something significant is a thing I like or enjoy, the answers to this question seem to flow freely. But when the something significant is a thing that hurts me or is a thing that I don't want, it's much harder to uncover the meaning beneath the pain.

What am I supposed to learn from this?

To value myself more greatly?
Realizing my capacity to love fully and unconditionally?
How to love myself as much as - more than! - I love others?
That I deserve a partner who will engage in my life as much as I do in his?
How to be grateful for the things I'm learning about myself in the aftermath?

While all of those seem to be noble, worthy lessons... there are days when I'd prefer to be ignorant of these self-realizations, rather than feel the deep cuts of these wounds.

07 June, 2008


Big Brown goes for the Triple Crown today at beautiful Belmont Park.

And I'll be there. With two of my favorite people. We will wear our hats and eat overpriced food and maybe even win some money. And we'll have an amazing, exhausting time.

But I won't be there with the one person who first introduced me to horseracing, who taught me how to bet, who showed me how fun this "old man" sport could be.

And that makes this Belmont Stakes a little bittersweet.

06 June, 2008


I forget sometimes how much fun it is to be a tourist-for-a-day in New York. A nice big breakfast at the local diner, followed by a trip down to St. Paul's Chapel & Battery Park. A photo of the tiny, yet meaningful Statue of Liberty; a look at the Wall Street Bull; a nod to the NYSE. A nice walk around the Union Square Green Market; lunch at the Heartland Brewery; a ride up to the UWS. A drink at my favorite irish bar; a stroll thru Central Park; a stop off at the Reservoir. Even a Yankees game & dinner at John's Pizzeria.

Lucky gal - to live in this city & to have such good friends who remind me to appreciate it!

05 June, 2008


There's this wonderful, intoxicating feeling that I've been lacking for the past few months... it's something that you can't fake, you can't invent, you can't force. Once you've had it, you never really lose it - it's like riding a bike; it always comes back to you.

There are times it may seem you've misplaced it, maybe let most of it live only in that space between you and another person... and even if you have to rely on those you love and trust to help remind you that you still have it... it's there.

And when you get it back, it puffs at your chest. It swells in your heart. It widens your smile & brightens your eyes. It makes you walk with more purpose (and perhaps a swing in your step). It deepens your laugh. And makes you feel invincible.

02 June, 2008


I'm not gonna lie. I love having house guests. I had one for four days last week. I have another one right now (he leaves Thursday morning). And I have two more coming (they arrive on Thursday evening).

I love the chance to show someone around my neighborhood. I love coming into my apartment and giving them the "tour". I love explaining what a certain picture is, or why I chose to arrange the furniture a particular way, or how you can't really hear the TV if the air conditioner is on at the same time. I love the questions my guests ask (and they're always different, depending on the person).

I love inviting someone into my home, into my daily life, even if just for a day or so. It's even better when those people are a blessing to me while they're here. And they so often are.

01 June, 2008

122nd & 5th

Who goes to a park in East Harlem on a Sunday afternoon with her super-cool girlfriend to rock out to a hip, funk, rastafarian music festival - complete with cultural foods, ginger mint lemonade, and an outdoor pavillion?

I do. And it was very cool.