FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT & CLARITY

"Endings rarely announce themselves. They steal in
and go nameless until long after their work is done."

LOST EDENS
By Jamie Patterson

There are times when you know something's over - the obvious things like the end of a delicious book, or a great play... because here there is clapping or satisfaction. There are parties or Thanksgiving dinners, when everyone trickles out at different times... but there's always that one last moment when you know the night has ended. And sometimes, if you're lucky, there are the relationships that end clearly... and I say lucky - even though they may still be heartbreaking endings - because they're not always so clear and easy. Wait. Strike that last part. Clear or not, they're never easy.

When I was 27, I had been in the midst of the longest relationship of my life thus far: it started when I was 23, just out of college, and four years later it started to end (maybe even before that). Another year after that, when I was 28, there were clear warning signs followed by a definite ending that ripped my heart apart and left me in the deep, dark hollow of an aching soul - with no light to see my way out.

As Jamie Patterson's LOST EDENS forced me to look back upon that time - which is admittedly painful to do - I realize that it was probably much clearer to those around me that this was not a good relationship and that I had lost myself in it... just the same way I was talking out loud to her as I read Jamie's memoir. But, to quote myself from over 2 years ago, "It's hard to see outside of yourself during those kinds of times."

Looking back, it should've been apparent. The first time I really wrote about it, really began to acknowledge it, was shortly after Easter in 2007... I prayed harder than I'd ever prayed for anything during that Lenten season and 3-Day Easter Weekend; and I felt more alone than I'd ever felt, even with the hourly prayers and pleadings. But it started falling apart long before then - couldn't see it, though. A quick remembering of several hard months makes me feel like I really should've seen it coming.

April 2007 - Tried to keep a true Easter Vigil, praying every waking moment
July 2, 2007 - Wrote a Heartbreaking Poem which started to open my eyes
September 2007 - We decide to "take a break" and I go Couch Hopping 
January 2008 - We decide to "take a longer break" and Live Separately
April 6, 2008 - The Actual Day of the Break-Up
April 6, 2009 - One Year Later... a glimpse of True Happiness

It took a year from start to finish for the break-up to complete its tiresome task. It took another year, and many friends, family, and love, to get back on my feet. And a year after that, a truly loving man like no other I have ever experienced, proposed to me in our bedroom on Easter morning - one arm extended to me with a beautiful ring, the other holding our beautiful baby daughter.

I've never had a personal wish for an author... but for Jamie Patterson, I wish nothing less than a year or two of healing as blessed as mine have been.

For more quotes collected from this book, visit Borrowing Wisdom. 

Disclosure: I received a copy of Jamie Patterson's LOST EDENS to read and discuss as a member of the online book club From Left to Write. The thoughts and opinions expressed above are my own.  Click here to purchase your own copy of this book.